A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for just under 10 years (Age 40.) We have 2 kids, 5 and 1 years. When we were dating and before kids I was always sexually satisfied even though my husband has ALWAYS had a hard time maintaining an erection. If he's the slightest bit tired or distracted, forget it! It was always frustrating for me and I think I wasn't very good at hiding that I was disappointed. After our son was born sex is practically non-existent. When we were trying to have a second baby I had to order the Playboy channel just to get him in the mood. I think he went along with it because he wanted a second child too. In the last 19 months we have had sex 3 times. I've tried to talk to him. Most of the time he changes the subject or ignores me. I've brought it up so many times, I'm so frustrated. In the last 5 years (age 35) my sex drive has really increased and I feel like I NEED it to be healthy emotionally. I agree since the kids came along things have been much more chaotic and tiring. But he's making all kinds of excuses. I don't want to get a divorce or be a single mother. Just recently I brought up counseling, Viagra, something in his past that he's not telling me...he dismissed ALL of it. I don't want to cheat and I know if he found out he would leave me, no questions asked. I'm so confused...what do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt REALLY does help to know Im not alone. Thank you so much!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you! I have to really evaluate what I want to do. Sometimes I feel like the only reason I want sex is because Im not getting it. Im sure that is just me trying to downplay it. I love him, i respect him, im attracted to him...now all he has to do is have sex with me like a normal guy. Im not asking for fireworks, I just want to feel close and intimate again. he definitely makes me feel like its my fault so I try to figure out what I can do to change. Im afraid if I tell him Im leaving or I want to separate he wont stop me and let it happen...but its NOT what I want. I guess I will just have to go to counseling by myself. I know this is going to sound terrible but I wish I could find a happily married man that values and wants to maintain his marriage but is in the same boat. Maybe we could help each other out.
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A
female
reader, heather016  +, writes (3 June 2011):
In a way, I understand you. I wonder what should I do, too. My boyfriend has really low sex drive and he claims my sex drive is abnormal. He makes me feel bad about it. Makes me feel that I am a very improper woman. =/
I don't want to cheat but I really need it. I can't advise you but I hope you realise that you're not alone.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 June 2011):
 Off course you must be frustrated, a big part of a healthy marriage or relationship is the physical side to it. I really don't know what to advice you hear because it sounds like he is not going to listen to you either way. There is obviously an underlying reason why he cannot fully maintain an erection and maybe because he knows how disappointed you used to be he has steered away from sex completely now because he doesn't want to let you down.
I guess he needs to know just how serious you are about this. You need to tell him how important it is to you and explain to him that you will end up leaving him if he doesn't open up to you and tell you what the problem is. If he doesn't want to talk to you well then he can go and talk to a professional. There is help out there for him all you need to do now is tell him that he either gets help or you are leaving. I know it is harsh but I think it will be the only way for him to see that he needs to do something about his sex drive. Good Luck.
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