A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i've being divorced now for 2.5 yrs. Still have a lot of contact with my ex during this time. We are friends with benefits, he has dated a few girls and I remained single. My choice has I feel being a mother is more important as my children are still young. My ex is an extremely good father and spends alot of time with our 2 boys 6 and 4 years old whom he loves dearly. He had asked me if we could try 4 a girl around a year ago and I refused, stating that we don't need another child in order 4 us to get together again. I was always willing 2 patch the relationship up but he always backs off and starts dating someone once we become close again. He has said that he feels that he does'nt make me happy. He has told me about a week ago that he wants a girl and is seriously looking for someone to have a baby with. This just blew me away as I don't know how this will affect our children. I know that dads and daughters have a special bond and fear that he won't be here 4 the boys as much as he is now. The boys will start noticing his absence and will start getting rebellious as when we 1st split. He stayed away a lot and hardly called as he had his 1st gf since the divorce. What hurt the most at that time was that she had a daughter and he spent more time with her compared 2 his own. Need I say that relationship never lasted and he came back crying on how he regrets not being there 4 the boys, he promises it will never happen again and its being over a year now and still keeping his promise. Okay so back 2 the new baby graving that he has, he says he misses waking up in the middle of the night for a baby and has being in thought about having another baby 4 a year now. I've been in so much thought after hearing this and am considering trying 4 a girl with him? Am I crazy 4 thinking this? This way the boys will have the sister they always wanted and their father will be around more as he will be moving back home. I know I might have another boy but its a risk I'm willing 2 take. He has said that even if God gives him a boy he will call it quits and will go 4 a vasectomy. do I tell him I'm considering this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2010): Thats very tricky ground your on with your ex. I think children should only be brought into this world when ideally the parents are in a stable relationship and are as committed to each other as they are to the future child.
He should re-think his priorities. Yes he wants a girl but he has two boys on this earth that need him right now. He doesn't have a partner with whom he can have a child with so he has come running back to you.
Perhaps you still love him? It would be natural to still love him as he has fathered your children and you were married, but if he cannot be in a relationship with you then I don't think he should have more children with you.
Please think carefully about this and think of your two sons. How would they feel if dad payed more attention to their new sister than he does to them? He payed more attention to a girl who wasn't his child and left them out, how would it be if he had his own girl? He should be grateful he has two healthy boys and focus his attentions on them and if he wants another baby he should settle down with someone first.
Take care and I hope you manage to come to your own decision. Ultimately you know him and only you know in your heart what is the right choice for you.
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