A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm a gay Caucasian guy and met a gay Korean guy 3 months ago. At first he would call and return my calls once or twice a week only since he is truly busy everyday working till late and studying. I have more time but don't call more than once a week (not to bother him) to make an appointment to meet .Great inconvenience for us now: we both have room mates and can't have a place of our own. I've asked him a few times if he really was interested in me and if not I would just stop contacting him because generally he is cool to me. But he says he is interested though he is just "thinking" if we should become boyfriends (I asked him once).We only had sex once because I could borrow my friend's place and it was great. Now, he doesn't call back any more but if I get hold of him the rare times he will answer, he will meet me. My question: I really like him and he understands that clearly by now but should I really try to pursue a relationship with such a busy guy who is mildly interested or so he says ?I feel I'm barking up the wrong tree. Could he really become interested later on if I pursue him (avoiding being too pushy) ?Please let me know what you think. Thanks so much.Or is it just too complicated and he'll never become more interested ? Please let me know what you think. Thanks so much.
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male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (29 July 2008):
 It seems as if this guy is just genuinely busy. Since he is both holding down a job and going to school, and seems to take both of them seriously, it's not unreasonable that he should be this way. The same holds true for his attitude toward you. My guess is that he is reasonably open to the idea of having a relationship with you, but right now he's just too busy to devote much time or energy to it.
In my opinion from what you've described he seems like he could become the sort of person who will carry on this sort of busy lifestyle, with a primary devotion to a career coming after his studies are finished, for the foreseeable future. It will be difficult to find the time for him to form a close relationship with you, and even if you do the amount of time and energy he will be willing to put into that relationship will probably come second to other things in his life. Or that's how it looks to me.
Life with that sort of a high energy and high pressure individual can be very rewarding, but it can be very frustrating too. And getting into such a relationship in the first place is rather difficult. You've got to decide whether or not it's worth your time and effort to pursue this any further. I don't think it's really a lack of interest, I think it's just really a lack of time and energy.
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