A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm confused now and no one can I ask for help. No one understand me. I'm sad and depressed that I'm going oto get through this problem alone. Me and my bf were in love for the past 2 years. But now things changed, and we also changed to different personality compare to when we met. He's diligent but I can say he's dumb because he's lack of common sense. He does what he wants without thinking the risk. He's currently work for a company for years with low income and trying to find another job. We can hardly discuss about work as me, prefer him to start his own business and he still can't do that. I'm so stressed out that we argued a lot about this. I want to get married soon with a stable financial in the future for my family. Maybe I seem like the bad guy here but I have my own reason. He cheated and lie on me before and that makes me depressed deeply and now I can hardly believe him and sometime I think negatively and underestimate him.The only reason why I still want to be with him now is because he promised and proved to me that hed changed. Before and after he still loves me so much and my parents and friends know it. I want to give him chance but my mind keep worry about my future with him. I know he's trying hard to get better job and income now but I'm not sure will I happy with it? Plus, my parent like him so much and tell me to be grateful to have him, they don't know my problem and what he had done to me. I don't know what to do now..
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 March 2013):
 First thing you must do is make sure your parents know the truth about him, that he cheated and lied.
if you think negatively of him and think he's not doing all he can, then you do him and yourself a disservice if you marry.
marrying him is not giving him a chance.. marrying him tells him his behavior is acceptable. Is that what you want?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2013): There is this consistent factor in nearly every post from women about their relationships. They first say the guy is great, then there is a long list of his faults and weaknesses as the post progresses.The question to ponder is, why have you dragged it out so long?What does it take to get out of a no-win relationship? If you see no future, then you end the present. Plain and simple. Your parents don't have to marry him, have sex with him, or endure his obnoxious behavior when you're alone with him.You don't keep people hanging on because you can't gather the courage to let them go. Why wait until you marry the poor bum, three kids, a house, a car, thousands of dollars in debt, and a divorce-lawyer later to decide you can't stand him anymore?You tell him exactly what you have posted here, and you decide it is time to see other people.You wish him happiness and really mean it. It is possible he may recover from the breakup before you do, he may even find someone else sooner; but that is the way love and life goes. Don't hate him for it and don't delay your decision because of these possibilities. Time to clear the table.You seek happiness before it eludes you; or you are locked into marriage and it is harder to walk away.A successful relationship is based on compromise, trust, and you weigh the pros and cons in continuing a life together. In this day and age, women are likely to earn more than their male counter-parts. It doesn't mean you won't be happy married to a man who earns less. It doesn't mean you'll have a happy marriage just because he earns more.If you're seeking financial security, a beautiful home, perfect children, and a perfect life. You've set a high standard. I hope you can personally live up to the standards you set. When you come back down to earth, you may realize sometimes the simple guy next door is kind, confident, loving, and sweet. He likes to get his hands dirty; but he'd cross a blazing desert for you. Don't totally rule out the type as a prospect. Doctors married to doctors, and rich successful professionals locked in marital bliss happens more on TV than in real life.If your boyfriend looks like he's going nowhere, and you've apparently told him so; then grow a pair and tell him you'd like to separate and start seeing other people.It's almost inevitable that a woman will hate the guy their parents like. There seems to be some unwritten rule or some mystical force that causes this to happen.If you're so miserable, cut him loose and follow your dreams. You've cited the best reasons to kick him to the curb. He's a liar and a cheat, and he has no earning potential.You're an adult and no one is forcing you to stay with this guy.
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