A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Hi. I need something cleared up, if you guys could help me.I have suffered mercilessly since my g/f of 2 years (who I was very happy with) split up with me because she was tired of enduring a long distance relationship of 240 miles (we met up 13 times for a week or two each time. Usually, every 7 weeks)She split with me about 2 1/2 months ago, and I'm just not getting over it! I want to so badly, but at the same time, I'm a fighter! Part of me just won't allow myself to give up hoping that one day things will work out and we'll be together again. I love her, and I just can't be with her.My mood and prespectives change dramatically, and frequently:One minute I'll be happy and upbeat about things, safe in the knowledge that I will find somebody new.. But around about then, I start to think "No! No way will you find somebody you'll bond with like that again. That pretty, giggly, fun-loving woman is your best chance of happiness! How could you let go of that??"About there is when I start to think "..I wonder if she's going through this... I bet she isn't... And if she's not, is she really worth it? SHE dumped YOU..." ect, then that turns into "She dumped you... after all the work you put in to making her happy.. it wasn't enough" And I'll stop there, but believe me, it goes on and on!!Is this normal?? It's starting to feel less normal and it's killing me. I want to be with her, but I can't, and I feel like I can't escape because I won't let myself! HELP!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): Sorry to hear about your pain. What you are going through is totally normal. I am in a similar situation and the following helps me. I think like this: "Gosh, luckily I can rest assured that the relationhip did not break because I was not giving my best. I gave it all I had and I am happy with my efforts, so I can sit back and relax. I can't control how other people feel about me. All I have control of is myself. I am a great catch and have so much to give to another person, that might come along some time in the future. It is horrible now, but I have survived xxx amount of days and I am still OK. I was happy before x was in my life, because my happiness comes from within myself and other people do not "give me" happiness. Now, when I start to feel depressed, I tell myself to STOP. I will survive and learn the best lessons that life has to teach. This will shape me to become a more empathetic person and have deeper understanding of relationsips, that will help to guide me in the future.
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