A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 25, and I have Asperger's syndrome, and I'm enjoying life now. Compared to high school and my teenage years, it seems better (and that was almost a decade ago).However, I want to get better at socialising; although I can do so in work (I have a voluntary job 3 days a week), it's outside of it I feel a bit isolated.This isn't a complaint, it's more a request for advice/help.I want to get better at socialising and getting a girlfriend, two things that people with my disorder stereotypically have difficulty with.Within work, I can socialise fairly well, but rarely see people outside of it due to the fact they're a bit older than me and often have husbands/wives and children (sometimes my age) but outside of it, I only really socialise with my family and my brother/his friends.I'm good at meeting new people, but fail to keep in touch with them - I don't really like using social network sites so use email instead (it's a bit safer by comparison though, I think) and when I get on with people it's at either end of the age scale - either much younger than me or much older than me, but with my own age I feel a bit out of my depth as I feel slightly older than my years mentally, at least, due to, in part, my interests and hobbies.I'm into IT, and although that's my job, it can't be my entire social life. Although I like automobiles/motorcycles, I can't drive for medical reasons, and there's little social-related things in my area for automobile enthusiasts. I've also got other interests as well, but finding social activities relating to them I don't feel the need to get drunk; I'm more of a social drinker than someone who drinks for the sake of it on a night out and will usually go for a soft drink.In terms of dating, I've almost certainly never had a proper girlfriend, always end up being either in the "friend zone" or (more rarely) mistaken for gay because I'm kind and sensitive - paradoxically, I'm also fairly masculine as well, to a degree.A friend of mine had suggested I meet women online, but that I felt would be a bit risky, so is using the newspaper ads a bit less risky - ideally, I prefer meeting women in person but it's hard for me to.Ideally I would date older women, not for the reasons that many people date them, but because I generally get on with older people.In terms of socialising, it's hard for me to find activities that are good and local - when I was in university some friends invited me to a party but the logistics were an issue - it was a motorway's drive away, and it would have been a bit hard to get home from late at night.So basically, how do I become more confident socially - I'm good at meeting new people etc. and enjoy my job!"John Doe"
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 October 2011):
 If I am honest with you, it sounds to me like even though you have Asperger's you are not letting it stop you, which is good for you. Off course it is going to be harder for you to socialise with this condition but not impossible as you have proven. I guess you just need to be comfortable with people, just like people who are shy.
It is good that you have friends in the work place. This is a great way to start and it sounds like you are confident with them and can be yourself around them. As for meeting other people outside of work yes I guess it can be tricky. If you are looking for love well then I guess you need to look outside of the box a little. You say that you hang around with your brother and his friends, which is great. Maybe they could set you up with a girl or introduce you to new people. Just be the same confident person that you are at work. Talk to new people the way you would to friends. Ask them on nights out and maybe any hobbies or interests that you have. Other than that I guess just practice on talking to strangers when you meet them. Get to know them and see how things go. The more you talk and get to know people the more confident you will get.
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