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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I am still very much in love with my boyfriend who broke up with me 3 months ago... I cant get over him at all, and my friends dont seem to understand they slag him off all the time when i bring him up and try and talk to them about my feelings.. Its like they have always hated him and now I am not with him they are happy about it! I thought this lad was the love of my life we were together for over 2 years, he was a big part of my life and for us to break up has broke my heart!I feel like i want to send him a letter to tell him i miss him, as he changed his number and has cut off all conact with me! When ever i try and ask my friends for advice they start shouting but I feel like screaming at them sometimes becuase they have no idea of what i am feeling like... they all have boyfriends and are all still happy with them and some have never had a boyfriend! I just feel really down about it all and would like some advice please... we broke up because we were arguing alot over the same things.. i felt he put me second n he said all i didn was moan about it! so when he ended it my heart was broke i still love him and just dont know if i should fight for us thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): Hello Again Sweetie~I am the party who extended you advice earlier indicating that I am contending a matter of the heart parralling yours..AND..within my advice I asserted the the referenced the reason I believe the individual was incapable of extending selfless unconditional love is a consequence of lacking self-respect. I know a more appropriate assertion is "the individual lacks *self-love* and there is incapable of extending unconditional selfless love."...as I think sometimes these two assertions are frequently used ambiguously resulting in misinterpretation. At anyrate, this is one of the reasons I fell in love with her because I am a caregiver by nature and I sensed that there was a kind, sweet, compassionate little girl heart hurting to be released...as if she was walking with a steel barrier from having faced so much hurt, pain, neglect and unjust abuse and neglect when all she has ever tried to do is truly make others feel loved. I tried as best I could to share love with her, but she wouldn't let me in and hurt me severly in pushing me away. I will always love her and want nothing less than the best for her BUT I can't keep fighting as it's killing me, and if I am dead I will cheat all others weho come into contact with me of the selfless unconditional love deservant of all, including yourself Sweetie. You will be okay. It takes time, know this.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): I'm going thru a similar situation as you but our relationship wasn't as long as yours was.
People are telling me to not get in contact with hin at all. It totally sucks. I miss him so very much.
It you want to write down your feelings as a release, then maybe you should. But don't send it to him. This is part of the no contact rule that everyone keeps telling us about.
He has been by true happiness. Trust me, I know what you're feeling. We just have to go day by day. Well, for me its hour by hour. Just keep breathing through it. I am hoping good comes soon.
Good luck girl. I'm here if you want to talk more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): Sweetie ~ As one who is contending a matter of the heart parralling yours, I can relate to the pain and hurt you're enduring...HOWEVER...I completely recognize, although I freuently deny it, that my efforts at fighting for the individual is self-destructive as I know deep within myself that the individual is completely lacks self-respect and therefore incapable of extending selfless, unconditional beyond that which is pruely directed toward the fulfillment of her own wants and needs..AND..while I recognize this completely and know with certainty that the individual is not at all worth the hassle, since he will never be able to return the selfless and unconditional love that I only know how to extend, I continue to fight for the person anyway. YES, irrational. Moreso, I know it wise if you focusing on completely ridding the individual from your life, althought it will undoubtedly be a struggle..and know that there will be moments that you will fall weak and reach out to the individual..and in doing so if the individual doesn't respond it will only be a blessing as you won't fall gullibly victim again. IMMEDIATELY DISPOSE OF ANY AND EVERYTHING PERTAINING TO THE INDIVUAL..Delete email addresses, phone numbers, photos, texts, etc. It will serve as a blocker from you reaching out to the person. I did exactly this..the unfortunate thing is that I remember the individuals email address and so I recently fell weak and sent the individual a email indicating that I missed the individual, etc,..AND.. fortunately I deleted the individuals phnone number months ao and don't remember it as I would have attempted to telephone the indidual as well. The individual has not replied to my email, and this has given me even more strength to completely let go, as deep in my heart I know the individual is incapable of meeting what I want in a life-time partner..AND fortunately I'm being shown first-hand by the contrasting character of a dear other.
~Everything happens for a reason, when it comes to matters of the heart, with heart-break being the real-life quantifier of "what you don't want" so you can know how blessed you are when God blesses you with "what you do wantm"~
You have been blessed Sweetie, and there wil come a point where you to will extend my advice.
God Bless You Sweetie.
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A
male
reader, Cccc  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 Yes! I do believe you should fight for him but since there isnt much you can do I guess that writing a letter to him will probably be the best.My GF was my Ex a while ago after 6 years.I also cut her off completely but only did so because I wanted to mend myself.So 2 months later she started showing up at places and asking my friends where they will be at which nights and then she will come and sit around hoping to see me.So it happened and she did see me and obviously I still love her.She came up to me and said "Im sorry I have to show up like this but there is no way that I can contact you and I really just want to tell you that I miss you and still love you dearly and I feel empty inside" This is after she left me.Later she really went out of her way to get through to me and eventually I let her in again to talk.
Im not saying you should ANNOY him with bombarding messages etc but just write him the letter...Send it to him and see what happens, If he replies then just take it slow from there and for the first 2 weeks NEVER talk about negative things from the relationship but if not JUST leave it and move on.Maybe he just wants to see you make an effort to get back to him besides phoning or texting which is really easy.
The only way I could see that she really feels that way was because of the effort she put into it.
AND yes my GF has sisters that hate my guts and friends aswell...But trust me people who do that just push you further into his arms.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 November 2010):
It's well and truly over. And your friends being happy about it shows how crap he really was. They may not know how you're feeling, but that's a good thing, because it means they're being honest about all this, rather than playing blind to the problems that you were clearly having with him.
Nothing you do in the world will bring him back to you. He's serious about this break up. He was the one who dumped you, he was the one who cut contact and he's even changed his phone number. No letter you write, no speech you make, nothing you do can bring him back. I don't know what happened between you, but if your friends are telling you it's best you broke up, and if he has gone to such lengths to avoid contact, then there is no way this will work out.
What you had is gone. He's not coming back. You need to step up and listen to your friends and start to move on. He has made it so clear that he wants no more to do with you or the relationship. And he wasn't even treating you that well anyway.
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