A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I wanted to get feedback from the readers. I'm seriously thinking about splitting up with my wife.She and I have problems even though she may not admit she does anything wrong. She claims she is always very patient and loving, obviously her Mom agrees. She is very close to her Mom. We used to live in her parent's house but recently too many things have happened and I was kicked out. My wife is arrogant in the sense that is very hard for her to admit to things. She always wants me to take the lead or guess and come forward whenever we argue, feels like I'm always at her mercy. I've been doing some soul searching and I don't know if we will be good "for the rest of our lives". I'm feeling pressure from my family who has a very traditional thinking that she is not the one for me. Nothing against her as person. They feel as I'm always in her shadow and that she controls me. I am a man and should not be always at anyone's mercy. I need to think about the future and career. On the other hand, my wife and her Mom wants me to move back to live in their home, to move on to the future. However, I'm very reluctant not only because of what happened recently but what has happened throughout our relationship. She is also very fisty and thinks always the worst of people. She believes I'm the one too innocent to see. She has some points but I don't want to against my beliefs or what I think is right. She just doesn't want anyone to take advantage of me. Things are very difficult and her Mom is always involved and I don't have any freedom. I just want to escape, but I need to make sure I would be happier alone than with her. And that's why I'm writing. I don't know what I'm feeling whether is still love or fear.If anyone has experienced similar things or have any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): I really think you two need to get your own living quarters.
Is her mother an invalid? Why does your wife not want her mother to be alone? This seems rather an excuse that your wife really wants to control her mom. Is her mother wealthy or have some money?
It is up to you, but I think it is time to put your foot down and tell your wife that even though you love her Mom too, that is time for the both of you to grow up and have your own lives and that the two of you are a team/partners and need to make decisions that you can both enthusiastically agree upon. Your wife's mother should not be part of that agreement, but the two of you need to come to some agreement about her mother. Hope that makes sense.
I mean if you just don't think your wife cares about having a life together with you, then you may want to reconsider this as a viable marriage.
You might start out suggesting that she get some family counseling with you so that you two can learn to work out your problems and issues better. Communication is key, and perhpas some bad patterns in that department have developed, sounds like it if her Mom has so much influence at your ages.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): Hello, actually the only reason we are living with her Mom is because she doesn't want her Mom to be alone. We used to have our own house but moved because of family. I don't blame her for that, but then from my family's perspective she also linked to me now.
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