A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I want to get rid of a friend who has lately shown their true colours, however this so called friend knows many personal things about me, and I am afraid of removing her from my life because of this hold she has on me.It is ridiculous because she is constantly upsetting me because of the way I deal with my 2 year old child. It is MY child yet she keeps telling me I'm 'doing it wrong'. I am sick of her but she knows many personal things as we have been friends since we were 17!I feel stuck because I am feeling useless but she has a hold on me. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2015): No, she doesnt have a hold on you.Just wean her off you gradually.Be a bit too boring to do social things,arrange to meet her at a shopping centres and phone her(or drop call) to tell her you cant make it. Consider a cinema trip where you suddenly get let down by the babysitter and have to disappoint her with this news ten minutes before the show when she's already got the pop corn in and so on.She will be delighted to let you drift away and her chief moan will be that you changed since having a baby and everyone will be quite content to believe thats what divided the friendship and console her that its only natural.Make friends with other young mums and exclude her on invitations to do things telling her its a mums only thing.Criticise her figure constantly ,telling her her breasts have shrunk and politely asking if she's dropped a bra size and point out that shes slouching or starting to develop q hunch on her back. If she drops a bit of malicious, but maybe true gossip just tell everyone that she's bad mouthing you because she's jealous and dont feel guilty about getting her out of your orbit because she is undermining you which is not a good thing. The best way to break a hold on you is to not give a damn about it, the best way to deal with widespread gossip is to admit it and say, yes i did that, but now ive changed. You have every right to protect your life and your child and no obligation to mother or friend this poerson
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2015): Unless you've done something of a criminal nature, you might want to ease yourself out of her life. You can't live a life in shame of your past. Everyone makes mistakes, and you can't allow people to have a hold over you because you've done things you fear they will tell. She could get angry at you anytime and tell things;so you may as well consider moving and starting your life someplace else. Keep your business to yourself, and stop inviting her over so much.
You'll have to deal with your past and get it out in the open; so you can live in freedom. If you've broken the law in someway, it is going to catch up with you sooner or later anyway. If it's just a bunch of gossip about things you're ashamed of; just learn to live it down. Make some new friends and spend less time with her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 August 2015):
 I agree with Ciar, do it slowly.. Just be less and less available, she might not even notice that YOU are not interested in being friends, only that YOU are not around enough for her to KEEP you as a friend.
As for her giving you parenting advice, UNLESS there is SOME little bit of sense in what she is saying... IGNORE it.
If there IS some sense in what she is saying, take it to heart, you want what's best for you child right? Not just to "be right" ?
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (1 August 2015):
 Instead of suddenly cutting her out, why not gradually distance yourself from her?
Be less and less available but not in a way that she would notice or that would irk her. Be boring when you are together so that she starts to move on herself.
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