A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I want to cut my family out of my life. Ive said it before in the past, but this time I want to do it for good. My dad is an emotionally abusive paranoid hypocrite who does not support me in anything I do. My mother is the same she abused me as child phsically and emotionally. She has no love for any of her children at all. My sister who I loved dearly and was very close to has become nasty, vinidictive, lying, trouble maker who every time we fall out she will run to my dad who will then automatically take her side without listening to me at all, who thinks that she is the best daughter possible and does not see any of her flaws. He wont have a bad word said against her. One by one she has slowly lost her friends because she has either stolen their boyfriend or beaten them up, she literally has nobody left apart from our dad and her boyfriend. Last week something happened that was the tip of the iceberg. I had hit rock bottom I was ill and in hospital and also grieving for someone who was quite close to me who had died suddenly. My family did not support me. They did visit the hospital. They did not visit me they did not ask me how I was they just did not care. All they did was moan when I asked them to look after my little boy because I was in hospital. That was when I realised that I cannot have them in my life. If I cant rely on them when I really need them when can I? Im trying to be strong but I feel so isolated and lonely now. I feel like I need them and to feel like Im part of a family but I just cannot go back to it because it is so toxic for my life. Please can you help me on how I can be strong over the next few weeks and has anyone else had to cut out their family? How did they do it? thanks xx
View related questions:
emotionally abusive Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2013): I am responding here as someone who cut all ties when I was 16, due to things similar to which you've mentioned. Basically, I think yes you should cut all ties for now. You say you feel isolated and lonely, but quite frankly for someone your age family should now be the only thing that fulfills you, what about friends, or a new hobby, something to get into, you'd be surprised at the things you can ge into when you give it a try, and these can really take your mind off things.The bottom line is, family often sees itself as a duty, ie, not something you have to work at or show any appreciation to etc., it will always just be these, becaus you can't cut blood. The bottom line is, family IS a privelege, one which we have to earn, we can't keep treating our family however we like and expect them to take it, just because theyre family.I would suggest a time out, and this will be very hard, I warn you, but a long time out, so they really begin to realise (they will eventually) just how lucky they are having a you, a child who cares. I wish you nothing but luck but you need to be strong
A
female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (6 August 2013):
 Speaking as someone who has cut many people out of her life, it is quite easy. But can be very lonely. I would suggest you see your family differently from now on rather than never speak again. Accept what they are, they aren't close to you or supportive so don't depend on them. They are simply related to you. You can see them on holidays if you wanted to but leave it at that. Make it a surface relationship with them, nothing too deep for them to disappoint you with. It's easier than completely cutting someone out and never having them in your life again.
Do they call or try and get in touch with you a lot? If so, then ignore most of the calls then when you do speak, make it for a couple of minutes and let them go. Don't commit to spending time together or anything. It all has to be in your mind, realize you are done with them emotionally. They are simply relatives. If they don't call or try and get in touch then it's easy, just don't call them either.
Make sure you have a lot of friends to rely on. You don't ever want to be completely on your own and lonely. It is healthy to stop depending on people who make you unhappy and stressed out, but it's unhealthy to be completely alone. It's a very sad state to be in. If you don't have any friends, I've been in that position in my life too, then you have to force yourself to make some. Get out there in a group with like minded people and make friends. Do something with your child to meet other mothers. Meetup.com is a good site to meet people with the same interests as you. Keep busy and make your life full. Set goals for yourself. Feel good about yourself. It will get easier, but you need to make sure you aren't sitting at home alone and sad.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 August 2013):
 It sounds like your parents never wanted you so you had been kind of out of the family early on. The first step is to accept that your family is rotten but you are not alone. A lot of women leave the family by marrying off the first men they see, not the best thing to do if the marriage is not out of love but it is common. Then they just see the family less and less. There are parents who are still bearable, just lacking the connection so a lot of people still visit them out of obligation so that they don't have to be alone during holidays. You mentioned no boyfriend or husband and you also sound like a single mom. It is a major adjustment to learn how to be self sufficient. I had thought of adopting a grandparent so there are more people in my family especially for my son but later felt that it is not worth it, and there is nothing such as a free child care. I am also not ready to take up medical bills for a senior.
I had never thought about how to, I just do it. It sort of helps that I am not a social person and like to be alone. Just make sure you are super healthy so you don't have to depend on anyone for childcare.
...............................
|
