A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Right if you could please help, about 3 yrs ago now I split up with an ex. We were together for four years.. it ended a lot because I had drawn myself away from her and didn't spend time with her.. basically I always thought it would end as I felt lucky to have her.. ended with her meeting a new man and messing me about. Right this girl had looks,personality and everything was perfect for me.. the first year after I just took I couldn't meet better so kind of moped around.. anyway the past year I've been gettin to know some girls, but it don't work out.. I don't know I don't get the spark I had with this ex at the instant we met ..and other girls tend to wind me up.. I feel stuck in a rut at the moment. When I was with this ex I always felt, going with her ie moving in meant I would have to change for the good of which I was scared and felt I couldn't do it. So now I'm left thinking, I missed out on a better opertunity of life ( she wanted me to work where she did and move into her flat) and also I'm sick at the end of the day thinkin I'm never gonna get a girl that perfect..
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys for the answers and advice, I guess what I feel is that during the relationship, she gave it her all and wanted it all. While a lot of the time I was worried it wouldn't work out.. due to her being more well off.. and towards the end I kind of gave up I guess. I always feel I never gave it my all and that's the reason why she gave up on us. But she's had a few relationships since so she's ok. I will just have to wait and see... just feels like a long long time waiting.. and I think a lot can be with me defending myself from not gettin hurt.. thanks again
A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (6 August 2013):
 When you were with your ex, things did not work out. Now you are alone three years later and no relationship seems to be working out, so you're now idealizing your ex as the perfect girl (when she was not). I think it's all an internal defense mechanism that you're using to mask the fact that you are afraid to take another risk with your heart.
I also think that maybe it might be worth a shot to contact your ex again and give it another go. One of two things could happen. The relationship will be a resounding success or the attempt could lead to you realizing that it was not perfect after all. Either way I think it's a win win situation for you. You will finally put to rest the "What If" syndrome, and move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2013): You need a reality check. She is not perfect. You would nt be here if she was.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2013): It "ended with her meeting a new man and messing me about" Does that mean she met him before your relationship was really over and was seeing the both of you, until she decided which one to dump? If not, then how long had it been over between you, before she met the new man? Something about this tells me you are beating yourself up over someone that would be better left in the past.
You sound depressed. I do not think that she holds the key to your future happiness.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2013): ur young enough to meet someone else. the top paragraph says enough to make me think that she may not be anywhere near as perfect as u think she is, and u r blaming urself. u will meet someone else in good time.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (6 August 2013):
 If she was as perfect as you say she was, then you would not have drawn yourself away. Since when do perfect partners meet someone else and then mess the other about?
I think the only problem you have, is the fact that you have not met anyone else yet, and she has. You are stuck in a rut.
If you had met someone you had more in common with, then you probably wouldnt even be thinking about her right now.
You drew yourself away because something about her was not right. Remember that.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (6 August 2013):
 You had the perfect girlfriend but you didn't want to be the perfect man. No one is perfect but at least be the right person for the right girl. Cheap sex is easy to get but to become a real man whom a girl feels you are husband material is the challenge. Such a girl is inspiring and is hard to find also. She makes you work hard and become the better person. When you work on yourself then you can talk about which girls are worthy of your attention. Some people don't believe in relationships, marriage which is fine, but don't expect a "perfect girl" to just come to when you don't feel like being the "perfect boyfriend." You've come to a dilemma here. A relationship seems like the worthy goal but some how you are not really sure if you want it, and I understand that. You are not alone in doubting relationships.
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