A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've fallen in love with my friend. Now it's driving me nuts; I constantly think of her and I get jealous when other guys hit on her. Of course, I understand I'm being irrational, so I try my best to do what's best for her. Recently, another of my friend has been spending more time with her; every week he helps her with her online quiz at the computer lab, and he's even attending one of her classes now (partially because she knows almost no one in that class).Needless to say, this isn't making me very happy at all. My friend and I are pretty good friends, and I generally try to hang out with her whenever I can. I'm also a close friend with one of our mutual friends (it was because of him that I met her, actually).I'm planning to ask her out on a few dates (nothing too fancy, out for dinner, maybe movie, any simple suggestions would be nice too...). Then at some point, I'm planning to confess to her...I'm planning to write a poem (rough draft in progress) and fold paper roses for her, and give it to her along with my confession. I know I'm risking our great friendship together, but this situation is really affecting me too much and I just want to get this over and done with. It'd be great if she reciprocates, or even just agrees to go out with me; if not, I hope that we still continue to be great friends. At the very least, she knows that I like her, and I can hopefully move on with my life.Oh by the way, I can't really avoid her (and I don't really want to). We're in the same photography club (both of us are executives), and we have many mutual friends (including that guy also going after her), and I'm a close friend with one of her friends. What do you think? Am I doing the right thing? In the end, I really just need to move on. But at the same time, I want her to be happy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOver thinking is one of the things I think most people do...now that I've got a clearer head and thinking about it again...good thing I didn't do anything in the end, 'cause it did sound a bit desperate.Need to stop obsessing about this...that means I need to focus on other things in life. I guess what happens will happen, and the worst that'd happen...well it's not as bad as I think it'd be.Just going to be her friend and take it easy.Thanks for all the answers!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks =DAlright I'm just going to take it easy and see what happens...you're right. Even if it doesn't work out meh. Like you said...just be a friend.I've been depressed about this but thankfully I've got this site and a few great friends keeping me on track.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009): looking for perfection in how you approach this? no such thing. afraid of your flaws or the mistakes you'll make? You're making your biggest already. If she's attracting the interest of others she may well end up finding or settling on one she likes. Then what will you do. Your friend who's helping her with classes is already making a big investment. Your own investment must be just as big and must be an earnest expression of friendship first and foremost. That means that no matter what happens you accept that you are giving something of yourself to her without expectation of any reward over how what you give enifits her. dop you want to let her know that you crave her attention as well and are nourished by any favor our thought she gives to you? Retorical. Don't force it on her don't be a stalker or a creep. Just be genuine and keep her at her ease. If its right and she can reciprocate then things should work out. If it isn't there for her, you've got to ove on, BUT, remember: YOU ARE A FRIEND SO BE A FRIEND. Accept the choices she makes and continue to value and support her in them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): oh boy... If you want her just ask her out for a (just one) drink. Go out and talk about everything except love.
Don't do all the hearts kisses stuff yet. (what will you have in reserve?) it makes you way way to keen and like some kind of psycho. Stop thinking and planing it. you are obviously bright you are over thinking....
just ask her out for a drink on her own.... if she says yes then cool beans it wont be like any of your plans...(so don't try and make them)improvise.
Don't declare your feelings too early unless she looks similar - if she spends her time txt'ing mates or ex's then that is not a good sign...
Very good luck, OS.x.
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