A
female
age
41-50,
*ryingToBeFree2023
writes:I have a lot of things I've been wrestling with, faith is one of them. I understand that not everyone has the same faith and the good thing about having a variety of places of worship and freedom of religion here in the US is that there's something for (almost) everyone. One downfall is that all too many people think "freedom of religion " is "freedom FROM religion. If your neighbor on one side wants to have a statue of The Virgin Mother, the neighbor on the other has a statue of Buddha, and the neighbor across the street has a wreath hanging on their door with stones and a pentacle... there should be nothing wrong with that. The problem is that people are quick to accept all beliefs except Christian beliefs. I get it to a point: Christianity is by it's very nature exclusive- you must believe xyz (or else). Christianity, especially Catholicism, is the one I'm most familiar with. I have looked for more progressive churches that fit my core beliefs better but those don't work for me - I'm apparently too conservative and closed minded. I'm not though? The church I've most recently tried is a progressive, inclusive Episcopalian one. The priest is a married lesbian woman and many members are in addiction recovery. It should have been fine, but the woman who introduced me to the church is my former AA sponsor "Danielle ". That is another (relevant) can of worms. Danielle is a trans woman. I don't take issue with that, a woman is a woman and I call ppl what they want to be called. If Elizabeth goes by Liz at home, Betty at work, and Beth in AA or on Tuesdays I'll go with it. Same concept. I was taught very early on women with women, men with men. Gay men are fine for women but that's practically splitting hairs. The founders of AA were men and the first female AA members were likely sponsored by men. It shouldn't matter if the person who sponsors a 20 year old female Wiccan is a 55 year old male atheist. AA is Spiritual, one's Higher Power simply has to be a power greater than one's addiction. That's literally all. I went with that and even men sober since the 70s 13th stepped me (that's slang for hitting on me). So many times I gave up, tried to learn my lesson, and have sought out women ever since. I did go to some women's and lgbt+ meetings and have some sober supporters who are all types of women. It shouldn't matter. "Martha" and "Mary" are a long time couple in AA. Martha goes to the Unitarian church, Mary attends the Episcopalian church. Martha has helped me out but Danielle hates her bc apparently Martha is a transphobic gossip and also a complete bitch. Nothing bad to say about Mary. Martha is sort of aloof, I can see black and white thinking, I can hear her talks to me about Danielle 100% concerned about her mental well-being and I sort of agree with her - Danielle does seem to be too unwell to sponsor anyone. Martha is not one I express concerns to and when she expresses hers I just listen. As for AA stuff I trust her. Danielle has in the past isolated me from anyone she doesn't like. She gets jealous if I talk to other AA women including "Summer", a lesbian woman who is so disabled she's a shut in. Danielle went into my phone and deleted Summer's contact info. Summer has never once said word one about Danielle and I don't know what the issue is. I want to drop Danielle as a sponsor, I don't think she's healthy enough. But I can't even talk to the priest or Mary or Summer bc she... gets really upset. Danielle just revealed that she's in love with me. I said I should find a new sponsor, conflict of interest. I have no AA or church ppl to confide in bc gossip. I told Danielle I'm actually ace. I just figured that out, I shouldn't be dating/having sexual or romantic relationships anyway so it's pretty much a moot point. Danielle now thinks I'm a transphobic (no), I'm a defector, I let my old Catholicism get to me, I'm in denial of my attraction to women and all that. Dude.Anyone in LGBT meeting will know who I mean so I can't ask advice. Women's meetings too. Regular meetings are very homophobic and focus on all that. No. My own therapist who isn't an addicted person nor a Christian, sees AA as "pushing religion ". She wants me to use Smart Recovery even though there are no physical locations. Danielle is a 55 year old accountant who works out of her house and therefore shows up at the center where I get my treatment to give me church, lgbt+ affirmative pamphlets, church info... not OK. She's shown to my work. She's called the center to report that she thinks I'm using or drinking or breaking rules. I'm not, but it's putting undue pressure and scrutiny on me and my anxiety is through the roof.I can't tell if I'm even sane anyone
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