A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm married. My husband is lacking though in the affection dept. now I'm not talking about worshipping the ground I walk on. I just want a love you or kiss in the morning before he gets up to start his day. I have talked to him several times and am trying to save our marriage. He says he feels he can't give me what I need. He says he thinks I mean I need his attention 24/7. Which is not true. I just want him to think of me. And now.. Things fell into place with this other guy. He's attentive, sweet and thinks the world of me. I have two little boys that love their father very much. I have not done more than kiss this other man but want to very much. The down side is somewhere I still love my husband. we have talked about seperation a lot but I can't just DO it and I don't know why..I have been married 5 years together 7. We love our kids. He is a wonderful father and for the most part a good husband. I want to be with him and I want this other guy too. I can see something happening. I can see this man giving me what I need. He has a son himself but is single. His ex is in another relationship. This is all me. I have this one guy who wants me. TELLS me how much he wants me. The times we have met up together to hang out he touches my face. hugs me and tells me I'm beautiful. He does support me though If I do decide to stay with my husband. He says he wants me to be happy. Whichever that means. He doesn't want to be the reason why I leave my husband but currently how can he not be? I think of him all the time and I have a hard time getting him out of my mind. But when the time comes to leave my husband I cannot. He cried the other night. He wants to be a family. It broke my heart and made me sick. What do I do? Why can't I just leave my husband, or leave the other guy? My husband is 6 years older than me. My boyfriend is 2 years older than me. We also went to school together. We weren't close friends but we knew eachother. Someone help me because as of now I'm on the fence. I'm scared to do anything. THe second my husabnd says maybe he should move out I freak out and hug him and hug him. I can't say that I wouldn't get with my other guy or even if it ould work out but there is a part of me that wants to explore that too.WHAT do I do??????
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI told my husband. He cried but . Is coming to terms with it and understands that if he cannot give me what I need (I've literally spelled it out for him many a time) then I should move on and so should he. The thing that kills us both is our kids. We want to stay friends, cordial. Both our parents are divorced and both HATE their ex's. He and I do NOT want that.I'm still living in the house and we have yet to tell the kids, I don't want to drop that bomb until its time for me to move out. He's keeping the house so they have something familiar.things are hard. I'm sad. but at the same time looking forward to being treated the way I feel I should. And he can now find someone who will understand how he is and deal with it. I didn't marry him the way he is now. But if he's changed, lets hope the next woman who comes along is fine with his lack there of.He is a wonderful person don't get me wrong. Just. Cold with love and affection. I am the polar opposite.thanks all for your advice. not out of the tunnel yet but...
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 April 2009):
 Blaming your husband is not right either. Nor is it jsut 1 persons fault when a married couple disagree. However, He is not MAKING you sleep with another guy.
What kind of marriage do you have if you can not be open and honest? If you want to make your marriage work maybe counseling is in order. Maybe you don't really want to make it work and thus the sabotage ( the BF). I don't know.
You are not helping the marriage OR yourself by beginning a new relationship before ending the old.
Nothing good will come of it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso I met up with my bf the other night. We were compleatly alone. Things went from hanging out and catching up to me in his bed, The sex was great, he was super sweet and is very attentive.
I am not "in love" with him but am falling for him hard. I have tried several times to talk to my husband about how he's not giving me the attention I need etc. He says If I can't live with what he can give to me then maybe I should leave. I love my husband very much and we have two small children together. my other guy says he can wait for me for only so long and then he'll have to let me go. He cares and is super sweet and attentive but he belives that if he does care about me but has to let me go he will.
I don't expect him to wait forever. But my husband is saying this is all me. he does not know about the other guy and I'm not telling him. But supposivly my problem with my husband is all my fault. I want attention from him. He's my husband how is that my fault. I did not start this affair to hurt my husband. I fell for this guy because he's everything I have wanted, someone who treats me with love and wants to hold my hand.
My husband says we have hectic lives we have kids. Well if I can do it why can't he?? I'm increadably frustrated and still sitting on a fence.
I could probably let my bf go. But I really just wish my husband would love me like he should.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know a decision has to be made. I don't myself understand why though there is no remorse with me and this other guy? My husband has been talked to several times about what he's been lacking in giving me. I need attention. I need him to give me a kiss when he gets up in the morning, to give me a hug when he walks in at night. He says he doesn't know if he can give me these things. "these things" he cannot give me are second nature to me. I touch his arm while he's bathing the kids ...just to let him know "I'm here" and he doesn't know if he can do those things? if it was one or two things I'd let it slide but all those things add up ...And I don't mean sex. he's plenty ready for that. But I mean affection, love, being there for your partner? why is it so hard? it was once very easy for him...Is it true people can just change??? that scares me to think that he's just evolved into this whole other person...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): you cannot have your cake, cream and eat it too.Please read my long comment posted today in “Had an affair..do I stay married and "pretend" to love my husband for our children's sake?” Good luck
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 April 2009):
I think you need to put on the thinking cap here.
You are currently involved with 2 men. One is your husband and one is the "other man" ( yes I will call it involved cause you are emotionally attached to him).
WHAT do you want? Be honest.
Do you want your marriage? And that will require a LOT of work from the both of you. Maybe some counseling. My advice is to sit and have a talk with your husband. SHOW him what you want from him and who knows he might return the favor.
Do you want the "Other man" ? It might seem easy. But you two might have to face some serious trust issues. However if he is the one you "think" you want then you need to let go on your husband and marriage. Your husband deserves to be treated with respect. Keeping him around because YOU are scared to take responsibility for your own actions.
Bottom line, you can not have two men. It's not fair to either of them. You will have to let either one go.
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