A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am in a really difficult situation and don't know what to do next or how to handle it. I am 35 and have seen a guy for a year now but only friends know as my family relationships (parents and sister) have been very up and down and I have grown tired and hurt with their judgmental and overbearing attitude (sometimes emotional blackmail). Having been married before and putting up with a suffocating attitude from family to stay married despite being miserable (which I managed to overcome) I wanted time to get to know this guy myself with the relationship being just about us and not influenced by them. The problem is he is now living thousands of miles away and I want to be with him - he has a lovely rented house and a decent job so basic stability and support is not a problem and I love him. He tells me every day that he just wants me there and doesn't want us to wait too long to be together. I have deliberated because I know I will be shocking and probably hurting my family and I have also had to save up money and plan some kind of new future with him - it is a big decision. The thing is I want to be with him within a couple of months and I just don't know how to say to family - "I've been seeing this guy for a year and I love him and by the way I'm emigrating next month." Part of me is annoyed that they have pushed me into keeping this secret and the other is annoyed at myself for choosing the weak option and now being in this terrible dilemma. My boyfriend doesn't know they know absolutely nothing about him because they are not local to where I live and we have always led a busy life - so I have not told him the truth - although I know he would understand as I have told them about my previous problems with them. I am so sick of living with all of this but just don't know how to approach things - fear is overwhelming me on all fronts and I feel almost paralysed in making the next step...but time is running out. Any advice really appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (3 February 2008):
 My personal feelings is that it's a very big step to take to emigrate to be with someone. It'll probably work out if you're meant to be but it will be hard because for the longest time you'll only have each other and itll take a while for you to find your feet and get friends etc. Plus you don't say if you were living together before he left or not. My advice? Look into the legality of emigrating and go for an extended break there, say a month, and see if you like it. You might end up horrendously homesick or realising he's a different guy to what you thought. A brak won't stir up the same reactions as full out emigrating and would be a good lead in if you do decide to go back after "falling in love with the place" while on holiday.
CD
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