A
female
age
26-29,
*nsleighMarieR
writes:I am a 16 year old girl. I like my best friend in the I want to be with her way. She is openly bi but doesn't know I am. What should I do?? I really need some advice!
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (22 September 2014):
 If she is openly bi(I have no idea how that works) then you should be able to just walk up and ask her "What's it like to be bisexual?" That ought to start a discussion whereupon you can just jump in and say you feel the same way. Whoopie!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2014): One thing at a time. First you have to come out to your friend. Why did you hide it from her, if she is your best friend? Did you suddenly wake up yesterday and decide this?
Then you need to think about another thing. Just because you know (or think) she is bisexual; what if she doesn't want to be with you in any other way but being your friend?
I am a gay man. I've got a lot of experience. I notice a lot of very young people barely through puberty coming on DC claiming they're gay or bisexual; and wanting to make their best friends their girlfriends or boyfriends. You've got to come to terms with who you are first. Not jump from point-A to point-B without thinking things out.
You really need to get your head wrapped around who you are and your sexual-orientation first.
You were in the closet; now you suddenly come bursting out and ready to pounce on your best friend.
Maybe you're only curious. Just wanting to have an experience or to explore. She's not a guinea pig or a laboratory rat you can experiment on. This is serious business, not just girls kissing girls at a party; or stuff you see on YouTube. Then you have to deal with other high school students and your relatives. What might look easy for her, may not be for you!
You've got to know for sure who you are and deal with that.
Parents are already terrified and homophobic, thinking homosexuality is some kind of sickness or contagious disease their kids can catch. You have to be a kid first; before you're defined by your sexuality. Parents will even fake that they accept it, praying it is just a phase. Guess what? Sometimes that's all it is. Especially at your age.
You have to have friends who are just your friends. Most of the time, people can't find anybody else they can be "out" to; so suddenly they want to go after their best friends. Then if the friend doesn't feel the same way, they get embarrassed and upset. Things get awkward. Good friendships come to an abrupt end! Worst case scenario, they get angry and mistreat their friend for rejecting them.
Do yourself a favor. Just come out to your friend and work with that first. Wait to see how she handles that, before you go telling her you want to be with her. It may only be a passing infatuation, and that could get confusing and complicated. You also have to be sure you are bi, and truly know what that means.
You're only 16. You need to allow yourself enough time to develop mentally before taking on your sexual-identity; and to mature in your understanding of what that all entails.
Kids get totally screwed up trying too much, too soon. Getting too far ahead of their psychological-development and understanding. Ending-up in therapy before they even graduate high school. Not because they are gay or bisexual; but because they didn't give themselves enough time to deal with their feelings and what to do with them.
This may not be what you asked, but it's what you really need to know.
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