A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I love my boyfriend. He talks about marriage and kids, and I like the idea but...There are some things that we still need to get over. He is very reserved about our relationship and it makes me uncomfortable. His family still doesn't know about me, or that I even exist. Recently he was on the phone with me, his sister came into the room, and he hung up in my face... Me on the other hand, I'm so proud to be with him, everyone knows about him!It always seems like I'm the one who's waiting on him or catering to him. If I want to do something with him and he's doing something else, I have to wait. If he wants to do something with me and I'm busy with something else... I drop it and come to him.Sexually, he very demanding and persistent. There are some bad things, but also some very good things. The good things is why I want to spend my life with him, but the bad things are going to make it difficult.I was talking to friends about this... one brought up the idea... to make myself not so "easy" for him. To actually make him feel like he could lose me. But I don't want him to feel that way... I want him to know I'd do anything for him.And, well, my other friend says to ditch him and go through the heartbreak because there are "other, better guys out there instead of wasting your time". But I like THIS guy. We've been dating 2 years.Not sure what I can do. I would love to spend my life with him but want to see more commitment and that I'm important to him... advice? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2015): I am in the same position but my boyfriend does not have a lot to do with his family. They don't speak for months, and he really don't speak highly of them. He did say on Boxing day you will be so proud of me, I did ring my mum and dad (they are divorced) on Christmas day. Like you I drop everything for him but no more. I am going to get on with my life we have been together 3.5 yrs so it don't get better. I am going to be a busy girl when he wants to see me. Making him feel he could lose you is a feeling he needs to feel, That way he will know if he would mind losing you or if he could not stand the thought of it. If his thoughts are the first one then you know he don't want a committed relation with you but if its the latter then you can ask further questions which are much deeper. Now is the time to ask those simple questions you have been wondering about for so long and then make up u your own mind if you want to be a secret or a girlfriend he is proud to show off. Good luck and I am now off to practice what I preachxx
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (6 January 2015):
TWO YEARS and his family doesn't even know about you!!?? I dumped a guy because he wanted to keep the relationship secret after 4 months!
That is a major red flad and I'm inclined to agree with your friend who says you're wasting your time being with him. He doesn't really want to committ
Have you asked him WHY you have to be a secret? It sounds like either he knows his family would never accept you as his partner (for whatever reason) or that he isn't done playing the field and looking for someone better (perhaps who would please his family) Or maybe his family is a bunch of weirdos and he's embarrassed by them. But you can't possible know if you don't ask.
Do you know any of his friends? Does he know your friends? Do you have mutual friends who were friends of both of yours before you got into a relationship? Do you socialise with other couples? If the answer is "No" then I suspect the problem is that he's not serious about your relationship and is still looking for Miss Perfect.
I really think you should consider leaving him. But start by asking him why...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2015): Doesn't sound great. But have you talked to HIM about it? If you don't get anywhere after talking to him then I would move on...
How will he ever marry you and have kids but still avoid you meeting his parents? Either way, you're still young. No need to rush into marriage and kids anyway.
He sounds a bit controlling and you dropping everything for him does not help.
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