A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:5 years ago i started dating this guy who was a lot older than me, things were great but we were on and off for 2 and a half years because he couldn't tell me what he wanted.3 years later we're back in contact and this time it felt as though he was taking me more seriously and putting alot more effort in untill we had 'the talk', Understandably enough he doesn't know because he's going through alot because his just found out that his mum's ill, however he isn't telling me anything apart from that he isn't going to hurt me again, and doesn't want to lose me. But i'm confused because he isn't even saying what it would be if the situation with his mum was different. I want to be there for him so much but it's difficult because , I have no idea what is going on between the two of us, but because i care i'm finding it difficult to just walk away and move on which i think i need to do Am i just good company? Is he not just seeing me? these are the questions currently going through my head and it's driving me nuts! And the thing is by saying that he does not want a relationship, that's already made what we have complicated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2010): Thank you for your answer, when we got back in contact his mum wasn't i'll , things have been great for the last four months , which is why i decided to ask him, timing isn't great, because it's only been the last month that his mother became ill, but like i said i want to be there for him which is a lot to take on board if I don't know where this is going (as selfish as that may sound). we split up before because of the similar situation , and you right his mother was fine then, but at that time I was young and not very independent and he was not ready to settle down. I just thought things seem soo much better between us and after 3 years of not being in contact, i didn't expect the same answer, which is a slight punch in the stomach.
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (9 August 2010):
 There is some reason why it didn't work out the first time around (when his mother was not ill I assume). He may be looking for support from you at a difficult time in his life, but that is no basis for a relationship of the sort you are hoping for. I think you have to mark this man as emotionally unavailable to you. By focusing on him you are excluding yourself from the possibility of meeting another man who might be all you want from a relationship. If you had just met him and he said he didn't want to get into anything too serious because of his mother then I would say give him a chance. However, you knew him years ago and it didn't work out back then for a reason.
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