A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Dearcupid people. I've been randomly reading questions and answers on this website for the last couple of days and I feel I still can't find a question exactly related to mine. So without further ado, here goes:My closest and best friend is a woman I've known for longer than I care to remember. Probably when we were about five or six, we met. In high school, we actually dated for a very short time (about a week) before she got it in her head that it would be too awkward dating me and broke it off before that stage came about. Needless to say, I was absolutely crushed; I was completely into her and had every intention back in the day to keep her in my life forever.We're now both going to be juniors in college in the fall. And at the college we're attending, that means we'll now be able to get an apartment. We've always had the plan of rooming together but it just didn't happen in the first two years of college because of the whole "no co-ed" thing in the freshman and sophomore years.Both of us are currently single and we have been flirting around a little bit lately and I really like it. She makes me a better man and I truly don't think she knows it. And if she does, she just keeps going on with life. She's a bit of a free-spirit who definitely wants to get married and have kids and settle down and all that in the near future. And now that we're both 20 and the party scene is behind us, she's been looking for that kind of man to be "the one". I want so badly to be that man for her. But I'm a pussy.I'm honestly afraid of living with her and being that man for her because what if I hurt her on accident? What if I do anything to push her away? I couldn't take her leaving me, so why even start the relationship? The woman needs a man and I'm a freakin' pansy! I suppose what I really need is a kick in the ass rather than advice... But advice would still help.Thanks.
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best friend, crush, flirt Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): Here's the kick in the arse for you! And I know I know, I've had to kick myself to get my finger out too, so trust me this is good advice!
You can never know for sure what lies in the heart of the other. All you can do is to be sure of your own feelings, and trust blindly. Yes, it's crazy, get blindfolded and have her lead you through a mine field. But without that trust, there can be no relationship.
What you can loose: your heart
What you can win: love
Dare to be happy!
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 January 2010):
 This is very one sided. I get the feeling that all you are doing is to avoid hurt, unhappiness, and to right the wrongs. Joy is a natural state of mind, it doesn't need much doing. You make love seem very bitter sweet, and no room for fun. Replace worrisome questions with how can I make her laugh, how can I surprise her, what can we do together to have fun, what places we can go to. Marriage and kids can come much later. A sense of mystery is important too. Don't be too predictable.
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A
female
reader, Vcristina62 +, writes (19 January 2010):
If I were you id ask her how shes feels. If she doesn't feel the same way i wouldn't move in with her because that would only make you fall for her even more
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (19 January 2010):
 You are waaaay too needy for this girl to be able to attract her. You have become her Emotional Cookie Man, and that means she can not factor you in as a sexual being in her life.
You already think of her as a girlfriend but you are not dating.
I do not think she is interested in you romantically. YOU might think you are both meant to be together.
You are not going to get this girl to love you by being her best friend. Attraction does not work that way.
All she wants from you is a friendship.
I believe that you really, really care for her...but that is not going to be enough to make a relationship work long term.
I wrote a book about going From Friends To Lovers, and you are making all the classic mistakes. It may give you some ideas. Most of all, you need to stop acting like she is your mother. The fact that she makes you a better man, instead of you being able to do that for yourself, makes her responsible for you, and that is unattractive for a woman.
The best thing you can do is date other women, so that she realizes that you are a man that is wanted by other women. No games. Date other women legitimately.
-Frank Kermit http://www.franktalks.com
author, From Friends to Lovers: Stop being her emotional cookie man
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