A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My cousin is 13 and when i was young, i kind of explored in her vagina. i didn't know what i was doing. is it ok to teach her things about sex and what to do in a situation where she wants to have sex? i want to be the one to teach her what to do in this situation.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2008): American culture is such that doing it with a cousin is seen as bad. In some Mid East countries, half of all marriages are between cousins. Theres nothing necessarily wrong with a 16-17 year old & a 13 year old either. But you should make sure your willing to deal with the consequences... & theyre likely to be very big.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI now realize the severity of the dammage this would produce. I realized it before, i just didn't want to admit it. Thanks to everyone!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2007): Simply put: THIS WILL RUIN HER LIFE.
Don't bullsh*t yourself about the seriousness of the damage that this will do. Don't talk yourself into the idea that "it's not that bad." Because it IS that bad, and there will be years (and often decades) of repercussions for it. It's 100% wrong for you to act on these feelings, with no possibility of extenuating circumstances.
It really is sexual abuse to do this. Maybe it doesn't seem bad to YOU, but that's not your decision to make for her. She really WILL be traumatized by this, whether you are or not. Then she will act out in the future, and probably run through a whole list of sexual partners way too young herself, and then maybe abuse another child in attempt to cope/understand what went on with her or make it feel more normal . . . this is a cycle of damage that will go on for a long time.
Look, I'm not just trying to call you names. It's very good that you sought other's opinions about this. It means you're a real, feeling person with a conscience and a concern for how your actions affect other people.
. . . But it also means that you understand right from wrong. You sense that there's something wrong with this idea of touching your cousin or you wouldn't even be seeking advice about it. You have the burden of doing the right thing now. Knowing right from wrong, you can either do the right (difficult) thing and not act on this, or you can do the wrong thing and act on it. There's no room for acting on it in any way that's not 100% wrong.
Unfortunately, the fact that you even want to do this is a signal that you are gonna need some type of serious counseling. Once again, I wanna say that I think you're a good person for seeking advice on this. But in most cases, people end up needing professional help to avoid acting on these feelings at some point. I really hope you seek out some treatment.
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A
female
reader, SleepingChrissie +, writes (28 July 2007):
 I have to agree with the other posters. This WILL effect her. I know she WILL be angry at you and will NOT trust you. Even if she doesn't tell someone right away, she will eventually tell someone. It will ruin many relationships, her future, even YOUR possible future relationships.In addition to mentally and physically abusing her you will be hurting the ones who actually love and want to protect her. Everyone that eventually finds out will be tortured by the thought of not being able to realize what was happening or being able to prevent it.You are treading thin ice; if you keep following the same path the ice will eventually break.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2007): I'm the first answer poster again; I can't get this one out of my head. I feel so frightened and sorry for this little girl. Which is what she is, a little girl, one you have probably psychologically scarred already. You are a disturbed individual; it's freaky enough you're trying to groom a 13 year old, never mind the fact that you've already been toying with her! That is sexual abuse and very wrong. She's a child and so are you for that matter. She's your cousin to boot, imagine the pain her family would go through if this came to light? I think it should though personally, there's no reason she should hide this and feel ashamed or dirty about it; it's your perversion, not hers. If her family were aware of the risk she is at around you, I'm sure they'd keep her safe. This kind of behaviour can only lead somewhere worse. Have some consideration for the negative effect you undoubtedly are having on this young girl; it's nothing to do with you when she chooses to have sex or who with. Get help and leave her the Hell alone, I can't stress that enough. When you turn 16 there's every chance you could end up in a young offender's institution of some sort, I'm not sure what they have in the US. Do you know what happens to people who molest little girls when they're locked up? Think about it.
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (27 July 2007):
 What on earth for? Having sex with a family member is just creepy and gross...
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male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (27 July 2007):
 NO! NO! NO! You should not do anything sexual with your cousin let alone a blood relative. Its just wrong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2007): You back off and leave her alone. No one should ever tell you it's okay to sexually abuse your younger cousin. Where is your head, guy? This is a dangerous situation where two families could be 'devastated and blown asunder' all because of your hormones and urges. You are proposing to 'use;' this young female cousin, for your own self-involved, sexual hijinks-nothing more. I find it outrageous that you would even suggest that you should 'teach her'. Let's get real, you are proposing to 'sexually use' her and possibly cause psychological damage, family upheaval betwen both yours and her family, which can and will have heartbreaking consequences for all involved. This is not just about you. And let's mention the legal ramifications of having sex as minors. Get a grip, here. You are older, supposed to be the more level headed and responsible relative, to this female.. I am assuming if you have already ' dabbled with her sexually', her ethics aren't kicking in. Probably due to the fact she is immature and may have a crush on you. She likes your attentions and looks up to you, as being the older, wiser, loving older boy cousin. She is mistaking your inappropriate attentions for genuine feelings for her. But it isn't, is it? In effect, you want to victimize her. So think of the future. Think of when she is older, she will remember these incidents and she will be painfully aware of what you did to her. She will know that you were older, you were in a more powerful position. and that she was used sexually and you took advantage of that. It's alos highly likely, you will want her to keep this a secret from your family and friends, which means you know it's wrong...because if you think doing this was okay-you wouldn't mind about other family members knowing about this. Influencing her, overpowering her, and telling her to keep between just the two of you, will implant deep shame inside her and it will cut her off from the possibility of help, protection and support fromthe people who care about her and love her the most. Her parents. Don't do this because if you do, you will be grooming her and that in itself is becoming a recognised crime. It's called be a sexual predator. Stop and think, before you act. Or you may have a lifetime of regret and a lot of people to answer to, for your selfish actions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2007): I agree whole heartedly with the other posters...it concerns me deeply that you are acting out these sexual feelings on a blood relative, this is indicitive of deeper problems, such as have you yourself been sexually molested?
What you are asking about is considered deviant behavior, and this needs to be addressed pronto with a counselor, please let a trusted adult know that you are having problems with your sexual urges, you need guidance and support and discipline, not neccessarily in that order, but get help soon, what is the child becomes the man.
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A
female
reader, Beckto +, writes (27 July 2007):
 NO. NO WAY. Do not touch your cousin anymore - ever again. DO NOT. Go to your school counselor, if you keep having these thoughts, and ask him/her to help you.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (27 July 2007):
 I agree with the other poster. Be honest: you want to sleep with your cousin. That is wrong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2007): Honestly kid, you need therapy! Don't go near her!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2007): This question is so wrong I don't even know where to start. It is NOT Ok. Leave her be to discover things at her own pace, when she wants to and more importantly, with WHO she wants to. She's your cousin for a start and she also has the right to choose whomever she wants when she starts exploring sexual stuff. It is not your place. The fact that you did some 'exploring' when you were young and 'didn't know what you were doing' was also wrong and if she didn't consent, is molestation. Leave her the Hell alone and stop thinking about your cousin in such ways! Find someone else your own age you're not related to to be creepy with.
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