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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I hate myself because:I'm clingy, moody, jealous, insecure, competitive, selfish, I don't trust people, I'm depressive, I'm weak, I have a very bad problem with anger, and because I feel ugly all the time, and not good enough.I have good qualities but I can't enjoy them for what they are as I always want to be the best, but I can't.People close to me try to reassure me and try to make me see that life's difficult and that I can't get everything I want, but it doesn't work!Being aware of all this decreases my self esteem more and more...For example, I'm so jealous that my sister got a promotion in much less time than me! I always excelled at work and now she comes here and gets the promotion in less time! I wanted to be the best...My boyfriend is going on a trip, and I feel so jealous and insecure that he'll have more fun without me and won't even miss me! I wish he didn't go... he says me being worried about not seeing nor hearing from him in a few days is dumb, because it's not that big of a deal! But I feel unwanted that he doesn't care about not seeing me...I feel ugly all the time. I just can't accept that I look like a normal healthy woman. I just keep comparing myself with women in the media, and I wish to look like them, even though I know they've had a lot of surgery and go to the gym 24/7. I just hate the way I look!I get angry and moody easily... I hate being this negative person, because I don't choose to feel all this. Yet, feeling it makes me hate myself more and sink further into this negativity circle that I don't know how to stop.I just feel uneasy, insecure and such... I don't know what I'm afraid of! I just am and I hate it! I want to be perfect, I want to feel secure!
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female
reader, Susan Strict  +, writes (25 April 2008):
 I'm moody. I'm bad-tempered. I'm very competitive. Angry? - you don't want to be around when I'm angry. I'm jealous, very jealous. I always want things I know I'm not going to get. I want to be the best, and I get so annoyed with myself when I get it wrong. Frequently I'm paranoid. I'm confrontational, and single-minded to the point of bloody-mindedness when I'm determined to have my own way.
I'm not perfect - very far from it. I was very much worse when I was younger. And yet, although there are times when I recognise my faults and try to do something about them, I'm not unhappy with myself. The good far outweighs the bad most of the time.
So, you? You just took the first step. You recognised the problems and listed them. More importantly, you separated the "I am" from the "it makes me feel".
Take them one at a time, and only one at a time. Examine them. Ask yourself firstly if it is really a problem; secondly why it is a problem; thirdly what you could do to solve the problem. Taken in isolation, the problem, the fault, will seem far less significant. It's only when taken with everything else that it seems to be overwhelming. Go through everything, one point at a time, and try to deal with it one point at a time.
If it's too hard to manage on your own, then seek help. The fact that you have recognised you have a problem means that you definitely don't need medical help to overcome it - your brain is working perfectly rationally, otherwise you wouldn't have been able to recognise the difficulties you have. All you need is someone to slow you down and help you with each bit of it. A good friend could do it if you have someone you can really trust, and if not then I'm sure if you explain it carefully to your doctor he will be able to point you to a professional who will help. As I said, it's not a medical issue, not psychiatric, but it is psychological to the extent that it's an attitude change you need to achieve.
Good luck. Please let me know how you get on with it.
A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (25 April 2008):
 You know people tell me my life is pretty amazing and i've even had emails from people on here, as well as comments from people i know in person, saying they would like to live their life the way I live mine and that they try to be like me. That confuses the bejeezus outta me. I think I'm moody, paranoid, that little bit overweight, clumsy, i tell the crappest jokes in the world and i'm always surprised that i'm the only one in the room cracking up at them, i'm pretty short, and I wanna punch Megan Fox for having the face I was meant to have!
The point is everyone has things about themselves that they dont like but other people don't notice or don't care about. Yep your sister did well and got a promotion but I bet if you asked her she would have a list as long as her arm of things about her life she'd like to change.
Nobody is perfect and the people you aspire to be like in the media have as many flaws and insecurities as the rest of us. I bet there are lots of things about you that your sister would like to have as qualities.
Jealousy is a horrible feeling which will chew you up and block out your personality. And the only person you're hurting is you, you feel like crap and the other person doesnt even know you're jealous of them anyway! what a waste of energy. Just concentrate on your own life and making it what you want it to be. Sounds a bit hippy but its true.
There is nothing more attractive than confidence and likewise nothing will put you off a person more than getting nothing but a negative vibe from them.
Take care
Brooke
xx
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (25 April 2008):
 Well im afraid im going to tell you what deep down you already know and im sure lots of people have told you before:-
No one is perfect
No one can be liked or loved all the time
No one totally loves themselves.
So what is wrong with you, well you have low self esteem and that has been bought on by something or a set of circumstances or may just be something someone said once that you homed in on. It maybe that your parents always told you you were the best or pushed you and pushed you, but what ever it was it sure has took a hold in your head and made you this mixed up and miserable person that you are today.
So whats to be done, well you cannot change this until you figure out why you are what you are, and you really need proffessional help with that, go see your doctor or go to a young peoples drop in centre and ask to see a counsellor. They are trained to help you work through the issues and learn to love the person you are and be happy in your own skin.
Most of us have some of the issues like jealousy, clingyness etc but few people have as many negatives as you have.
You must sort this out before you destroy yourself and others and your relationship.
Good luck but dont leave it too late.
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