A
male
age
41-50,
*ountaineer112
writes:I have a very attractive neighbor and she moved in about 4 months ago. Shortly after she moved in I noticed that she had a girlfriend. Recently, they broke up and we have been talking a lot. She is very cool and easy to talk to and we just hit it off. Well, we ended up sleeping together a few times and everything seemed to be going good. She told me that she could see herself falling in love with me, and that scares her, and after a little while she tells me that I'm a great guy and she really cares about me but she still thinks about women, and she's afraid to pursue anything with me because she doesn't want to be the girl that hurts me (like if she would cheat on me with a woman). Also, she has been scarred by men in the past and she said she hasn't felt as comfortable with a man emotionally and sexually as she does with me in a long time. We are still friends and I really like her, but I can't stop thinking about her sexually. I really liked the time we spent together and want to be more than just her straight friend. She also has a little boy which is just the cutest little guy I have ever seen. I don't know if I should try to pursue something with her or just let it go. She is a great girl and we have a lot of stuff in common and her child is great, any advice would be appreciated. I really feel that deep down she wants to be with me. She still flirts with me a lot and kisses me but won't let it go any further. This is the first time I have ever experienced anything like this and I am just totally lost. Thank you for any help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2009): she sounds like she is really bi, yes she may like you but she also sounds a bit confused and like she doesnt know exactly what she wants, she has been hurt by men yet she finds u attractive, and you get along well - she has no idea what she wants! she sounds like she likes you but she still is attracted to women, and she is confused by why she likes you.
the flirting is nice but... its not fair to you, shes telling you she likes you but is scared of what she wants, she doesnt want to committ or be with you 100%.
although you like her, unless she committs to dating you and you alone maybe its better that u stay freinds? or dont see each other if thats too hard. That means no kissing or flirting! tell her that u care about her but unless she rally wants to be with you, you would like the flirting to stop as its confusing you, be nice and leave it at that- let her decide. dont kiss her unless she makes up her mind!
I tell it how it is, sorry if im blunt!
good luck & hope this helps
A
female
reader, Azula  +, writes (9 July 2009):
 OK. I think she is in the state of denial on what she is feeling and bargaining if she will go for it or not.The bargain is now not balance because she seems to be choosing women over you.Here's some piece of advice. Prove yourself to her. It will take a lot to do this but it's worth of it if you will succeed. Show her that you are serious and you would give it all just for her. And that you will remove all the scars on her heart.I think the only reason why she is choosing women over men is the pain of the past. Let her know that there is another side of the view and you are a complete better guy than those that hurt her.Also go on with her child. After all she is a mother and would seek a father for her son. A good model father that is too far away from those of her past.And be yourself. Good luck.
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