A
male
age
36-40,
*hili_G
writes:I am 24 yrs of age and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 5 yrs. We have two lovely children at 4 and 1. For a long time now we have been very distant with each other, we're not affectionate or passionate in any way. Our sex life has never been too great but is now non-existent (her choice not mine). We bicker and argue all the time over stupid things, which is not a good environment for two young kids. We're always trying to make the relationship work but always end up at square 1 again. There is no trust on both parts so spending time away from each other is very rare. I love and care for her so much and would do anything she asks for her but I'm not in-love with her anymore if you understand what i mean. I feel i don't belong here. I want to be me again which haven't felt in a long time as I lack confidence but at the same time I can't bare to be away from my kids. Not wakin up to them in the morning or putting them to bed every nite would be so hard. Or even worse someone else doin my job for me! My job doesnt pay well either so living on my own would be a stuggle. I know that if i told her i didnt want this she would be so hurt. I really don't know what to do! Plz Help! X
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, girlwhoneedshelp +, writes (11 March 2011):
 Im sure she would be more hurt if she found out you had spent your life with her for the sake of the kids. You have two choices. You can stay with this woman and try even harder to make it work and tell her it hasnt been working for a while and that something has got to change. If it doesnt then move to option two which is leave.
It will be very difficult to leave your children in another home but you have got to go for the lesser evil here. Being unhappy and bickering around your children is not going to be good for them. They would thrive so mucj more from the positive energy coming from their dad who visits rather than the miserable one who stays.
As for someone else living in the house when you leave. Well that would certainly be up to both of you. If your partner decides to move on, however, and the man she moves in is in no way a threat to the children and their well being then you dont have aleg to stand on in stopping it.
Please be sure before you make a decision. This is a life changing worry. At least talk to your partner about exactly how you feel, even if
it hurts her. It will hurt her less in the long run and she will thank you for
it.
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