A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my other half for 5 years and he is the love of my life, but we are having a really rough time. Like any couple we have had our ups and downs, we met over the internet and when we met I was always honest with him telling him that I was on the waiting list for a double transplant, I always said it would be hard to deal with this and gave him the option of ending things if he felt he couldn't deal with the situation and that I would never blame him for it because I loved him. I had my transplant 4 months ago and am recovering well. Our sex life became non existant when I became very ill and I understand that but we now don't even hold hands, we hardly talk to be honest. When he comes home from work he puts the computer on and sits on 'facebook' until the early hours of the morning, which in itself would be ok but I see on his news feed that he sends extremely flirtatious things to female 'friends' which worries me (due to the way we met) we constantly snap at each other and never have a proper conversation about our feelings, I understand that men find it hard to talk about the way they feel but I get nothing from him. I know I have been very depressed over my health and current life situation but I do love him, he is or was the one good thing in my life and I don't want to lose him. Am I pushing him away? What can I do to put this right? The lack of sex or affection is not the problem, I know that sex isn't the be all and end all of a relationship. I want to be the girlfriend he wants, I want to be happy and outgoing, independent and confident but I'm not. My heart is breaking and I just don't know what to do ?
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female
reader, masquerade711  +, writes (29 January 2009):
 Well, whether he wants to have a talk or not, it sounds like one is in order. It's not fair that you have to keep wondering what he's thinking/feeling, or that you have to go through your illness without his support. The two of you definitely need to talk about this. But you have to be prepared that the result of the conversation may be the end of the relationship, as the talk could go in that direction. Only he knows what he's thinking so it's important to get things out in the open before you decide to move on.
masq
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