A
female
age
30-35,
*oldengirl12
writes:Thank you in advance for reading this and the help. I really need it!!I have been at university for 2 years now and was very unhappy and homesick here for a while. However, in August, I met a guy who had a reputation for being a player/ladies’ man and drinker/weed smoker but he pursued me heavily. We hit it off immediately and became official after less than 2 weeks. I knew it was probably not the best idea, but I was so excited and happy that a guy so good looking and fun was interested in ME. I had never had a guy who was so attractive and interested in me and treated me so well, especially since past boyfriends hadn't and I have low self-esteem.We dated for a few months and had our fun. I partied pretty hard with him and had never really lightened up before (I'm pretty high strung). He had quite a few one night stands (never anything serious) with girls before me and I was a virgin. However, we didn't have sex and he never pressured me to do anything at all. I felt like I was having so much fun and had a life for once! I had a purpose! And although our relationship wasn't great, it gave me something that was mine and something to do. We talked about the future and how he couldn't see himself with anyone but me, how he wanted to provide for me, etc. After a few months, our relationship crashed and burned. He told me he had messed it up with other girls in the past and cheated on them or lied. He said how much better I was than him, how he wanted to be better for me and change, etc. I felt like I had taken care of him all the time. I had to provide the motivation for his future, help him with school work, cook, clean, etc. Oddly, I was a bit relieved when we broke up to not have to deal with the drama anymore.We went fully no contact and we usually avoid each other or just smile awkwardly when we run into each other. We go to the same university so this makes it extremely awkward. His friends liked me and still contact me and invite me to their parties (I deleted his # and Facebook, but not his friends).We have several mutual friends as well. My main problem is that it's been a few months and I still feel sad. I feel like I spent so much time in university miserable and wasn't really happy or excited about being here until I met him. He gave me a purpose and suddenly I felt like I had a life--and an exciting one. I felt like I was having fun and living life to the fullest. My life feels boring and mundane now. I'm kind of sick of hanging out with the same friends and I try to reach out to new ones even when I don't want to. I exercise daily, work a part-time job, and go to class. I'm just bored a lot and don't really go to as many parties or events. I love my friends, but they don't go out much and honestly, I can't just sit around and watch TV all night. My classes are boring and easy, so even though I've immersed myself in my studies, it doesn't do much. I constantly obsess over whether I'm wasting away the best years of my life and if I'm going to look back on university and regret not going out enough or having enough fun. This is the last time in my life I'll get to be "free" and have less responsibility. I just don't do much now, so I always equate that with my breakup. If I still had him, I'd have a life and be happy. I just don't know what to do and I want to be happy again and live life to the fullest. What can I do?Thanks for reading all of this!! I appreciate the help :)
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broke up, facebook, one night stand, player, university, want to be happy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, wiseone77  +, writes (9 April 2013):
 Just notice the little things in life. The sun on your face, the savory flavor of your favorite meal, even the beat of your heart. Take each day as a gift, because tomorrow isn't guaranteed to any of us, and we should live for everything and everyone we hold dear. Don't give up on love, but don't immediately seek it either. When the time comes, you'll know who you're meant to be with. Also, don't depend on your partner to be your "other half", because even though it's common to see it that way, you shouldn't have your happiness depend on someone being with you. Instead, focus on being complete yourself and then find someone who feels the same.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2013): The partying has to come to an end. He put you on a path that could have had a bad outcome. The bad-boys are always more fun, while the good-boys are boring. He brought you out of your shell. Now you have to learn how to enjoy life on your own, and on your own terms. You were clinging on to a potential loser, and giving him undeserved credit for showing you how to have a good time.Your life seemed at a stand-still until you met him, with all his wild antics, pot-smoking, and womanizing. You weren't all that happy, you were just entertained and riding on his coattails. You were sailing in his wake, while you thought you were having a good time. You crashed and burned! You miss feeding on his popularity.Get a hobby and do some community service. Join a club, or discover and develop your hidden talents. You are in school to grow and learn. You were impressed with some crazy guy because you don't know how to create your own happiness. Living life vicariously through others isn't living. It's co-dependence and parasitical.Stop complaining and be grateful you have what you have and the potential to do what ever your want. Enjoy your freedom and independence. You have the best years of your life ahead of you, and you're sad because some bad element in your life is gone?How many people would just love to trade places with you right now!
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