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female
,
anonymous
writes: I am 34 and have been married for 9 years. Like all marriages, it's had its ups and downs but on the whole we're very happy. Or at least that's what i thought. When i married my husband, he discouraged my having male friends. While this didn't bother me at first, it is starting to annoy me now. I am quizzed if i get phone calls or text messages from male colleagues (doesn't matter how old, married or decrepit they are). I recently met a man through my job who is very like my husband in that he's quiet and respectful. He has completely different interests, and i find him fun to talk to. I would like to spend more time with this man, just as friends. My husband is now going crazy about this, and i feel guilty for even considering it. I am a very outgoing person, and my husband is the opposite. He doesn't have any friends, and i think he feels threatened by any new friendships i might form. But this particular one is somehow worse because it's a guy.What can i do? The potential friend is aware that i'm married and has oodles of female friends already, so he knows that there's no chance of it developing further.Thanks in advance!
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male
reader, laburnum wilson +, writes (4 December 2006):
Take the view my wife takes.Your spouse should be your best friend.When in trouble who will support you "friend" or husband? I think your husband`s the one who should be seeking advice. me,me,me,me!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2006): Have you told your husband you are on this site? No? then you are already keeping things from him that you don't want him to know about.
So.... the chances are you will keep details of your friendship with this other man from him too. Then the lies will get complicated and before you know it you'll be saying to your friend " my husband doesn't understand me ".
Once you begin this separate friendship it will take on a life of it's own, who knows where it will take you. Your husband is obviusly worried about this so perhaps you should be trying to work out what it is you do to make him feel so insecure.
Then work out why a happily married woman wants to start a relationship with another man when she knows it will hurt her husband...
How would you feel if he told you he had become close to a woman at work and although it was only a friendship he wanted your blessing to share some good times with her... just occasionaly...nothing in it.....just because she's such good fun.......
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A
female
reader, Aunt Charlene +, writes (30 November 2006):
 hello,
i have great empathy for you because i am in the same position,except im not married. every girl my bf has been out with has cheated on him, he feels inferior to the other guys around him and finds it hard to develop and maintain friendships. everytime a male friend texts or phones me and wants to meet up hes always quizzing me: whos that?why does he want to be around you?etc.when he was suspicious that i was upto something with his best mate eho is gay, i felt we really really had to talk.and so thats what i did.
what you need to say to your man is you need a social network, there is no harm in having male friends,its not breaching the law and its not fair that he is tryin his utmost to control you. the most likely phrase he will use on you is im only doing this to protect you, i dnt want to lose you. however do not fall for this reverse psychology trick,reassure him that he will not lose you and you miss going out with friends.
if the male friend does have a girlfriend you could suggest a double date?if not then your husband must understand that you feel trapped because there is noone else you can be around.
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A
female
reader, sard0106 +, writes (30 November 2006):
Hi there, i believe your husband is worried in case you develope feelings for this guy in the future, he possibly feels insecure. My husband is like this, if a guy calls me..i have to explain who it is and what...but i know any guy i have been friends with...have always tried to kiss me....but possibly your situation is different. If possible if you could talk to your husband and put his fears at rest...I feel you should be able to have male friends, you can't be yourself..its like walking on egg shells...he has to let you live your life or else he will push you away...talk to him...tell him he has nothing to worry about..bring him out on nights out.
good luck
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