A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:If a guy says he's not ready for a relationship but wants to carry on seeing you as a 'friend with benefits'(he didn't use those words exactly but that's how it was), and then that doesn't work out from the girl's point of view as she wants a proper relationship, can you ever be just friends? I'm thinking you can't because the guy is totally blanking me and won't return my texts... We agreed to be mates, mates stay in touch and reply to eachothers messages... Why the cold shoulder? I don't know how I should feel about this sudden behaviour, it's made me feel rejected and that he was just using me before, or never really liked me. We both have low self asteem so maybe we're both hurting?!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2007): I agree with eyeswidopen and weebee: you shouldn't be agonizing and trying analyze this man. Its very clear from what you tell us that all he wanted from you was the "benefit" of sex without a relationship. That is the reason for the cold shoulder.
As for how you should feel about him - why, leave him in the dust! He isn't worth another minute of your time spent analyzing what he was up to!
You will eventually meet someone who will want you for the person you are, and will respect you, in addition to wanting to sleep with you - if he's worthwhile, a man will be willing to wait as you get acquainted until such time as you feel the circumstances are right to sleep together, in the context of a relationship that is based on mutual trust, consideration and hopefully, compatibility in terms of what you both want in a relationship, and have at least some interests in common, as well as having a similar outlook on life, and goals and values that mesh well with one another's views!
All the best to you.
A
female
reader, weebee +, writes (19 June 2007):
I think you need to wake up and smell the coffee. sorry to be blunt but you can make excuses but you need to respect yourself before any1 else will. We all think it so easy to get hurt, what everyone doesnt realise its so easy for us not to get hurt because all we gotta say is no. a 2 letter word. People can only hurt us if we let them. So stand up and say NO.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (19 June 2007):
 He was using you for sex, move on and don't give him another moment of your life. You'll be just fine, trust me.
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