A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There's a girl who i met online and like quite a lot. We've known each other for about a month and chat with each other quite often but have never met. I fell for her cos she has a really sweet personality and although i haven't met her, I've seen photos online. I asked her out about a week ago (online) and it sorta took her by surprise and she asked me whether she could have some time to think about it. I later agreed that she could reply once we've met. But we're both sorta busy with our studies and stuff these days and there seems to be no hope of us meeting up anytime soon. Is it fair of me to ask her to give me a reply before we can meet up cos i sorta feel like my life's come to a standstill until she replies. She's seen photos of me and stuff and we've chatted online heaps of times so is there any particular reason why she should need to meet me in person before giving me an answer?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007): Once again, thank you so much for the answers. I really needed that advice because I guess I was confused and wasn't thinking straight. And Melanne, you've stated almost exactly what I was feeling! I was amazed to read your answer; I was nodding in agreement the whole way through! You're going to make an excellent counsellor with that kind of empathy.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2007): thanks for the replies :). Guess I was rushing without realizing it. I'll remember all the advice and slow things down.
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A
female
reader, Melanne  +, writes (28 March 2007):
 Hi this is obviously causing you a lot of distress. You have met this girl who you really like and have spoken to her many times online, but have never met. You asked her out and are still waiting for a reply. The waiting game is never easy and you must be feeling so many different things right now. It sounds as though you really like her and cannot stop thinking about her and the fact she hasn't written back yet is driving you crazy.
You mention that you are both busy with studies could it be that she is very busy right now? There are many reasons that she might not have written back. Perhaps she is nervous about meeting you and she feels that it would be a risk. Although you have spoken to each other many times you haven't actually met and so you cannot really know each other.
It isn't easy for you I realise that, but if this girl decides that she doesn't want to meet you then there really isn't anything you can do. I know right now you probably won't believe this but, there are many other girls out there waiting for you. Perhaps it would be best for you to focus your attention on your exams and study? I hope that things do work out for you where this girl is concerned, but if they don't then it would be good to have an idea of how you will carry on with your life and your studies.
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (28 March 2007):
 Hey, Im not sure if your meaning date in the sense of a full blown date, or meet as in have coffee kind of a lets met up date see how we get on ?
Perhaps date was too strong for it. You get on great as you say, and I guess the only natural next step would be to see if you get on together in the flesh. Many people can come accross as different online as they normally would when you met up.
Perhaps take a backseat and let her know that you really do like her and that you wouldnt mind just maybe meeting up for a coffee in a neutral place when the time is right to see if you both still get on.
Im sensing though that she viewed you as just friend hence the taken aback approach she took when you asked her on a date. Perhaps she was just enjoying chatting to you and didnt see it as anything else. And maybe shes now having a think about it!?
Dont pressure her or you will scare her, but im sure in time if things are meant to be, you will get to find out. IT could be thats shes scared of meeting someone from online, as you do hear so many stories, its hard to gain trust from a PC screen. I would not rush her, I would just play it by ear and see what happens. Carry on talking with her and see how it pans, but take off the pressure!
Take care xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2007): You asked her out and you haven't met her in the real world, yet? Ok, let's get some perspective here. You are having an emotional relationship with someone you have never met face to face. Learning to really like someone, is touching, seeing, smelling in the real world, and developing a connection and a bond over a long period of time. Dear, you know really nothing about her except what she's telling you. And she knows nothing about you except what you have told her! Meet her first! Some people may compare this to a blind date but it's different. Usually in a blind date scenario, friends or family set you up. You are in a safer position because other people you trust, know the person you will be dating. This is not the case here. The problem with online relationships where two people simply type endearing words, then reality gets blurred and one seems to live in a fantasy world. Basically, it's just two computers connecting rather than two human beings. My suggestion to you. Step back and think things through. I know you want a deep and rewarding relationship with this girl but I really, really feel..you need to slooow down and go easy, dear. Ask her if she wants to meet you first and pick a neutral place. Talk with her, look in her eyes, take note of her gestures, her voice...get to know her as a real person. And then if all goes well, you and she can decide if you want to have your first date. But please, keep a cool, sensible head and don't overwhelm her. Give this time and be patient. Good luck and Take Care
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