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female
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*ergie
writes: im feeling really depressed cuz i've hurt someone's feelings real badly.i broke up with my ex last year because our parents disapprove of our r/s for religious reasons. im 18 btw and he's 21. another reason why we broke up was also bcuz i broke his trust when he caught me flirting with another guy. i did it out of stupidity and i regret doing it. i never kept in contact with that guy i flirted with. he forgave me after we broke up. we still love each other tho. its hard for us to part and we still keep in touch.the problem is, my ex hardly tells me he still likes me and he never showed he still cares. like one day he may be telling me he misses me and stuff and the next day, he will start raking up our bad past, sometimes he wont call for a few days, wont reply to my msgs, wont answer my calls. and he always gives the excuse that he is busy. well, actually he is a busy man, that i know. but he didnt even bother telling me that he wont be replying or calling me! its as though he's implying that he has no feelings for me anymore.so recently, i got to know this other guy. we are of the same religion and he's really nice to be around, he makes me feel happy. my parents did approve of him tho. bcuz of how my ex is treating me in our love-hate relationship, i allowed myself to get closer to this new guy, and i didnt tell my ex cuz i didnt want to hurt his feelings and also bcuz i thought he's my ex and maybe its time that i really should move on. and this new guy doesnt know that i still keep in contact with my ex cuz i still have that perception in mind that lets just forget about my ex and move on. and i really like him and i dont want my ex to spoil everything. and this guy really likes me alot! but the only problem is that he has 29 ex and he smokes. and i have a problem with that! (my ex doesnt smoke and i was his 2nd gf).one fine day, my ex found out that ive been going out with this new guy! not only did he raked up the past about how i cheated on him, he made me feel guilty when he finally confessed that he still has feelings for me and that all this while he had been caring for me and he said that all he got in return was me backstabbing him! i still do have feelings for him, i must be honest, but as i said sometimes when he totally ignores me, it hurts so bad.now im stuck and i have to make a decision fast. my ex wants me back. he said its either him or the new guy and if i were to choose the new guy, i would have to cut contact with him completely. i dont want that to happen. and the new guy likes me. i want both of them. but i cant have both. and i know i should NEVER two-time and i dont want to hurt either of their feelings. what shoud i do? i really need your help.thank you. :(
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (12 September 2006):
 I can see why you are torn. Religious background plays a big part in some people's decisions. I know this because I am a Muslim. The best advice I can give you is to follow your heart. I wouldn't suggest starting with this new guy when you still have strong feelings for your ex. This would be unfair to him and yourself. If you choose to get into another relationship than you have to first heal from the first. You haven't taken that time yet and now you have jumped into another. Not wise. If you choose to go back to your ex than you must lay down some ground rules. Its a fresh start and if he wants you back than he has to be able to leave the past in the past and move forward. You can't drive a car looking in the rear view mirror. He can't keep throwing this in your face and if he does its a waste because your relationship will be based on guilt and no one wants to pay for a mistake for the rest of their lives. My advice to you at this point is to take some time and get your thoughts and feelings together. Take time to know exactley what you want and them persue it. If you don't you will rush into a decision and you will regret it. Make sure what you do is what you are comfortable with and it makes you happy but don't let any man, woman or child tell you were your heart should be. Its your love and your life control your own destiny. I hope this helps. Good Luck.
A
female
reader, zosey +, writes (11 September 2006):
 heya im zoe,
ur ex b/f sounds as if he dosnt no himself what he wnats and thats why he changes his mind so much about what he wants and he probably got really confused, then again he might not wont u but he might not want anyone else to have u, ino it sounds abit horrible but some boys r like that. mabey you should try talking to them both and telling them your feelings once you see the reaction to them both you will probably realise who you truly want.....remember trust and follow your heart your head dosnt tell u what u want it tells u what u should do and theres a big difference. x good luck i xhope u find ur true love take care
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