A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Before I got with my boyfriend I knew he took drugs; weed and cocaine. I really don't like it so when we first started dating I asked how we would work in a relationship, how would we ever live together as I don't want it around me. He assured me that it wouldn't be a problem and drugs wouldn't ruin another relationship. Almost 3 years later we have just moved in together and it's now become a problem. We were out and someone had a joint on them. My boyfriend was offered some and he took about 5 pulls. I wasn't happy with this because we had an understanding that he does what he wants do he just doesn't do it around me. His argument is that he did think about me, knew I wouldn't like it and that's why he only did a bit when he could have shared the whole joint. I understand he thought about me, but it doesn't mean that I'm happy with the decision he made. He thinks I'm trying to impose my opinions on him and control him, and if he found himself in the same situation he'd do it again as he wasn't stoned so it didn't affect me in any way. He told me if I didn't like it then I knew what to do. So I packed my stuff and I've moved back to my house. I feel that I am just asking him to be respectful of my opinions and ask him to not put me in a position I am not comfortable with. I've told him repeatedly that I don't want the relationship to be over I just don't want him to do it around me but he won't budge. How can I make him see that I'm not controlling him, I'm asking him to be respectful of my feelings?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 December 2016):
 Look he does drugs, it is part off him, he is not wanting to give it up. Therefore if you still want to be with him then you need to accept that. You cannot ask him just to do it behind your back. Why should he if that is what he wants to do with his life?
For me drugs is a huge NONO so I would not be with someone who takes them it is that simple.
You are not going to change him so you need to decide if he is who you want, drugs and all. Remember it won't get better.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2016): You find someone else who is a better fit for you. In many places weed is now legal. Weed is also way over rated.5 pulls does not make an addict. You probably are like but he promised. You knew who he was when you met him..One thing I learned is people really never change. To expect someone to change for you is controlling and wrong. When you find Mr.Right you will not have to change him because he will already be what you want. Let this guy go and find someone more in tune with your values and ideas.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 December 2016):
 You can never make someone see things your way, you can't force peoples thoughts to change.
But it's not controlling of you. You stated you don't want it around you, and then it was up to him to break that agreement. So you leave. Good for you.
Now do it 100% as you should and end things. Really. He's a drug addict and you don't want drugs around you, this CAN NOT WORK. He will just keep telling you what you want to hear, but he will not let go of the drugs, ever, not for you or for anyone. There's no future here. He chose drugs over you. The decision has been made.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (18 December 2016):
 You're with a hard drug user. Don't be with one, if you don't want it around you. Allowing something like that just keeps the habit going, even if it's out of sight, it's still around you. If you don't like drugs, don't date someone who likes them and assume it can stay out of the relationship.
Do you see him as the drug-using father of your future children? If not, why move in?
I'd strongly advise leaving permanently because there's no future with him, OP.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 December 2016):
 Seems like his initial agreement doesn't mean a thing to him.
As he sees it, you weren't AT HOME, he didn't smoke the whole thing so YOU should be grateful for it.
As you see it, HE agreed to NOT do drugs (of any kind) around you, but the moment he got a chance he sad and puffed away, regardless of how he KNEW you would feel.
YOU two are NOT going to agree on this because he has ALREADY dismissed your feelings as being non-important to him.
Here is the thing OP, you started dating a guy whom you KNEW were into drugs, weed, and cocaine. YOU CHOSE to date him regardless.
And here is the thing, most people who CHOSE to do drugs put themselves and the drugs BEFORE other people's feelings.
As he sees it, you know and was initially "OK" with it so what's the big deal? All of a sudden now that you live together you want to change the rules, you want to change him. Bait and switch in HIS book.
You see yourself having kids with this guy? You see a future with him? If you do, you really have only ONE choice...
SUCK IT UP, BUTTERCUP.
OR....
Consider if long term that is something you are willing to deal with OR not.
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