A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I was with my girlfriend for a year and a half before, we split up and found different partners for about 4 months, you got back together and its been about 5 months now. I feel our relationship is collapsing and I can see it, well it is all about trust with us. She kicked up a big fuss about my not liking her going to clubs when she is 18, as she is 18 before me she will be going to clubs without me.No i will not like it because the reason people go to clubs is to get drunk, meet new people. I know exactly what happens in clubs, one night stands, spiked drinks anything. I just don't want my girlfriend to be in that situation it worrys me. Whatever I say she still is going to go clubbing without me, at the moment we aint really talking to each other which is a bit stupid. She will feel the same if it was the other way round because I know her too well.She always says to me 'Oh you don't trust me....' I do trust her I just don't trust clubs. I know she won't cheat on me it's just the picture that i'm getting in my head is that someone will spike her drink she is going to be drunk out of her head and end up in some blokes bed the next morning. No matter what I say she still is going.I know I sound like a protective freak but I really do care for her and I have never cared for any girls like I care for her, I want our relationship to work but it's just the thoughts of her going clubs is overtaken me. Please help me deal with this. ThanksRegardsSteve
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, scythe  +, writes (9 April 2008):
 woah mate you sound just like my overprotective parents.
firstly -
a) you yourself are not 18 so you've never been in a nightclub right? how on earth can you tell her that you know what happens in there?? sure you might see the bad press on the news but its not all like that! the majority of people going into clubs at the start of the night come back out unharmed and without a one-night-stand. only if she is really easy, or looking too hook-up then she will get in trouble. sure, sometimes it happens to innocent girls too but thats just a leap of faith your gonna have to take. you cant protect her from everything.
b) i work in a nightclub. my parents are probably horrified at the thought but they just have to deal with it. i see what happens, and it's really not that bad. just tell her to take care of her drink (which is a sensible precaution) and to stay with a friend so she isn't taken advantage of (another sensible precaution). try talking to her and saying - if you do want to go please watch your drink and stay with a friend. try and work out a compromise with her. honey, im sure she will be fine, you're just gonna have to learn how to let go. otherwise she might feel that you are controlling her and your relationship will deteriorate and thats the end of that.
how many months before you turn 18 too? get her to tell you about the clubs and trust her on what she says. has she never been to a party without you? isn't it a similar situation?
if you wanna chat, or want some more info bout clubs then email me.
take care, and i really do hope it works out
compromise is the key
scythe
xox
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): Hey gawjuzz
My boyfriend is the exact same your not being too protective at all, he hates me going to clubs...he told me that if i wanted to go then i could but then i could never talk to him again...which means it would be over. So i didnt go but once before he told me that i was allowed to go to my friends party there was alcohol there and drugs and everything, but then when i was there i never got drunk i called him and told him to come get me it was horrible they were all over me i was scared shitless and now i dont go out anywhere without him i mean anywhere!!
Tel your girlfriend this story if she chooses not to listen to you let her go and you will have to see if after that she wants to keep going then i say ditch the bitch and find another you deserve a girl that will listen to you.
Goodluck bub.
xoxo
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A
female
reader, cari  +, writes (9 April 2008):
 well i do get ur point the thing is u and ur girlfriend hav to work on ur trust before the relationship goes down the drain,i mean..iv bin der before i was 16 he was 20,he wud go 2clubs nd i used to hate it but nutin i cud do bot it other den trust him dat wud be very selfish of me to make him stay home jus bcoz i cant get in!
now i work in a nite club,iv bin with this fella for the past 4 months,im not bad lukin in fact im very gud lukin lol only messin,anyway he knows der ar loads of lads everynite tryin to get up on me but he trusts me its all bot trust!i work most weeknds so he goes out to clubs with his mates nearly every weknd..i know he would be chattin to girls and all that but the way i think is..if he meets one of dem dat means hes not that into me and he doesnt care that much..ders a plenty of fish in the sea hun,and just bcoz shes gonna go 2niteclubs it dusnt necessarly mean she gonna mess u around,u sud work on ur self steem too!
hope dat helps xxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): Hi Hunny
As soon as someone hits 18 thats it they want to go to all these wonderfull places hunny, You will no doubt be the same if your anything like my son was when he hit 18. Yes the argument about the difference with women and men going out, Its a shit hunny women are more likely to get there drinks spiked than men just make sure she knows your worried and not jealous and tell her not to ever walk away from her drink..I dont let mine out of my site its glued to my hand..I'll dance after maybe but not b4 Ive finished my drink it happens alot over here just as you have heard over there hunny and of course your going to be concerned..But she has to lead her life just as you do, Trying to stop someone doing something will probably have the knock on affect of making them want to do it even more, No matter how worried you are, Its safety you need to explain..Not getting totally blasted so you dont no what your doing and so one out of real concern sweetheart....
http://www.strathclyde.police.uk/index.asp?locID=63&docID=-1
There are a few guide lines hunny to put to your g/f about being safe. I HOPE ALL GOES WELL TAKE CARE LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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