A
female
age
,
*estinyFaith3
writes:Hey all, I hope you are willing to help out! I have a 14-year old son; he was the sweetest boy, he always did his homework, and he had perfect grades. Then, my husband and I split up. I divorced him because I felt that i could never take him seriously; he had no guidelines or rules. i'm having my son spend a year with him (this began in august), and he's started his freshman year in high school. When i recently saw him, he wasnt the boy i raised. He's become "emo." He has dyed his hair black and styled it into a punk-rocker style, he's pierced his ears and lip, he now wears eyeliner, dresses in all black, and he never talks to anyone. His grades are also failing now. My ex-husband has let him do what he wanted for the past month and a half; i take him back in with me next september, but i'm afraid of how he'll be attitude-wise towards me. i know i should respect who he wants to be, but i miss the old him. What should i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): LET HIM BE FREE!!!!!!!! Idividuality it a good thing!!!!!!
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (14 September 2010):
 He's at the age where this kind of thing happens if you want it to or not. The good news is that he'll rediscover himself a couple more times before adulthood.
The bigger concern is his grades. If he was a good student before, then the slump in his grades is likely indicative of something else. I know my grades dropped when I started smoking pot. Not because it made me dumber, but because I just didn't care. Once I learned how to more properly manage myself, that changed. The best grades I ever got in college was when I was in 300 and 400 level classes and was smoking upward of an ounce a week. Anyway, I've digressed.
You'll never get the old him back. He's growing up. No matter how much you want time to stand still, it doesn't. You'll have to choose what is most important to you and pick your battles wisely. He's about to enter his most rebellious years. Be prepared for him to hate you. I know I hated my parents at times, but I've thanked them since. Good luck, you'll need it.
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