A
female
age
41-50,
*onfusedwoman
writes:Dear CupidI have been married for 7 years now. But for the past year, things have been going bad in my marriage. i still have feelings for my husband but not the same love i had before. i don't think he feels the same way.we haven't had sex for a year, but i can't get the strength to leave. I feel so confused and lonely at times, I even think about cheating but can't get myself to do it.There are days that he will be good and i tell myself that things will get better, but then a few days pass it will be the same, arguing, no communication, no love and affection.I need to feel loved and appreciated. He makes me feel like i am nobody.He is always with his friends and seems to feel i don't exist.i want my marriage to work, but at the same time i don't want to go an another year like this. I want us to be like we were when we first got married.Please help me , what should i do? any advice would be appreciatedthanks. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): All marriages can temporarily run out of steam now and again. You don't say how things were up to this point. Was everything great or was it hard work for some time? You need to be honest with your husband regarding how you are feeling, then see where you two are going. It would be wise to see a counselor on your own first. They will give advice as how to approach your husband and not have him get defensive.I wish you the best of luck and I hope you will feel loved, wanted and cherished again no matter what happens now. In the end it may be that you find what you need with someone else, but an affair won't do anything to make you happy, even if it might seem to at first.
A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (12 March 2011):
 They don't call it the 7 year itch for nothing...
Believe it or not 7 years into a marriage is a critical milestone that can either make or break a marriage.
By this point in time you have grown too comfortable with each other and as a result the sex and the romance drops off dramatically.
There is also a correlation between your youngest childs age and a pulling apart of the marriage. Usually right after the child turns 5. (The age when a child is safely past infancy.)
So the good news it that it is normal for you to feel this way. Your marriage is not bad or hopeless. The bad news is that you need to re-direct your focus on the marriage and you need to get your husband on board with this as well. You can't do it alone. Like a flower, a marriage needs constant attention, water and sunshine to flourish and grow. So even though the top may look all dried up and shriveled, the roots are still alive and can be brought back to health if you start to care for it again.
How you do that is up to you, get marriage counseling, or take a vacation alone with him, sign up for a couples retreat. Search online for marriage advise and support.
There are a million ways, but it all starts with a honest conversation with your husband. You need to tell him how unhappy you are and he needs to give a damn enough to do something about it. And if he wants to save the mariage he will. If he doesn't, well then you have some hard choices to make ahead. But at least you can leave with the knowledge that you tried your best.
Cheating is one way to wake him up but I don't recommend it.
I know it feels like you have a big hole in your chest sometimes, but trust me an affair will only make that hole bigger, it will never fill it beyond the moment the sex is over. It just makes it bigger.
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A
female
reader, little_3_eyes +, writes (12 March 2011):
 Go to couseling.
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