A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone. I'm writing this on my phone so I'm sorry for any mistakes. I've been in a long distance for four and a half years now. We've met before. Last year, we both told our families. Our friends already knew. Anyways. Last Christmas, I went to Canada to visit him. Everything was great. But there was one dinner where I felt like hip family didn't really support us. They kept saying how insane it was and that we were both too young. I was bothered by it but I also am very bad with when someone jokes or is being sarcastic. My boyfriend told me that they weren't being serious, and told me that they all loved me. I was uneasy still. But I kept being polite and brought them gifts and got his mom flowers. His mom even sat me down and told me that we just couldn't marry until thirty, but we could travel the world together. Also no kids until thirty too. Which was no big deal. Today we were Skyping and he was telling me that he was going out with his friends to a bar and a new club. I trust him but before I replied, I heard his mom say that he can meet a girl there, to which he quickly responded that hehe already had me. Then I heard her pass it off and say that she meant girls from his school. He was very embarrassed and I'm heartbroken. Maybe his family really just doesn't approve of us, or of me. He tried to make me feel better but nothing worked. I don't know what to say. I want this to work but I also want us to be accepted.
View related questions:
christmas, flowers, heartbroken, long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 February 2012):
 I think his folks are being realistic in that you are both very young and that LDRs are harder than close relationships and the younger you are and in school, the harder it is to maintain an LDR. They are basing their concern on years of experience.
Why is what his mom says so important to you? Why is what she says breaking your heart?
A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (26 February 2012):
 All a parent really wants is what is best for her son or his daughter or whichever and I think it is sometimes extremely hard to be there and seem supportive in a LDR when you do not see the person involved in that relationship accross the seas!
I think his parents probably did very much approve of you but not seeing you regularly it is sometimes hard for them (perhaps) to come to terms with you being the love life and that is understandable.
let him know how you are feeling about the situation and try not to let it get to you. Great things can, and do, come of LDR and in the end it wiil work for the best.
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2012): That's a sticky situation for sure.THe problem with family is that they 'just want what is best' for a guy 'in THEIR opinion'.Maybe they feel that he has fallen to hard and fast for you- in comparison to the length of time one lives these days.However, some people meet their love very young on and also , 15years ago i think a lot of people would marry quite young.It sounds like he has strong feelings for you and that worries his family. The problem is his family, not you nor your relationship.If i were you I think it is time you be open and honest about how this is really hurtful to you, there is no point bottling it up hun. You can act like it doesn't hurt in front of them , but you know what, it does and it is very reasonable that it does. How would they feel if they were in your position, to have dinner conversations at christmas or to hear such comments on skype. I think you should think long and hard about how this affects you and your esteem- maybe you feel 'you aren't good enough in their eyes' and that isn't fair at all, because clearly you are.Them mentioning 30 as an age to have kids is just ridiculous aswell. In five years I think you will look back and realise that, right now you are just swallowing it trying to play it peaceful and again that isn't fair on you and your esteem.Basically, I would sit down the mum and ask her straight out what it is about you she doesn't like. Put her on the spot, not aggressively but to get her to see that that is what she is giving you the impression of. Sure she will deny it and just say that you guys are young, but then answer that it is really hurtful to you that you care very much about this and she keeps being demeaning and implying that you are young and stupid, and that her son should find someone else. Say as a female, that it is truly hurtful because you think you are a good person and you don't understand how dinner conversations can be bought up so passingly and aimed at your relationship with her son, how would she feel if this was happening to her.If you can do that, you will be one hell of a woman. It will show that you are mature, that you sensitive two things that are virtues, not things which make you are target. It will hopefully also sort this out onec and for all with her realising that her words and actions are over the top a little, and are hurtful(even if she really isn't trying to make it personal- it is coming across like that). Your boyfriend cares, but he is being a peacekeeper here. Everyone's family can be embarrassing at times, but it's good to stand up for yourself, especially in matters which are important to you.Best of luck hun.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (25 February 2012):
 HI
he seems very happy with you and the relationship you both have. Dont let his family spoil it because of their insecurites. His mother is just trying to stir things up because she dont want to see her son get hurt. I am in not saying in any way you would hurt him, but his mother is just looking out for her son like any for mother would. In time she will see just how much you care for her son and give you her blessing. dont take it to heart.
MANDY xx
...............................
|
