A
female
age
51-59,
*ooeycake
writes:I try everything I can think of to get my husband to desire me more than he does. He masturbates everyday, but has sex with me only a few times a month. I know he's tired and having sex takes a lot, but I think the real problem is he just doesn't find me desirable anymore.We've been married for only 3 years and he's bored. Sex was great for the first 2 years, but something has changed this last year. It started with him not wanting to give me oral. I was upset at first because there were many occasions when I would give him oral without getting anything in return. Now sex has become a quick event without foreplay and only when he needs it. I've tried talking to him, but he says there's nothing wrong - he finds me attractive and sex to him is great. I've told him I needed more, he says he will try, but it doesn't get better. I always bring up the subject as if I had the problem and not him. I say things like, "I can't orgasm that fast." or "I like to feel all of you when we make love. I want to feel your touch, your kiss, your body." For some reason he gets upset and blows up.I've tried lingerie, role playing, etc.....It just doesn't work. It would be easy to leave him if he was this inconsiderate out of the bedroom, but he's the greatest! It's just in the bedroom where he has become seriously lacking and there is no discussing this with him without him blowing up.Now, I'm considering asking him for an open marriage. I see that he eyes other women and I know he uses porn. I even know that he has a crush on a co-worker. I just don't have the evidence to prove it to him. I know I'm attractive and I know that I'm enough. I just don't know if I'm enough for him.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2010): I used to have a much higher sex drive and wanted sex all the time. The last 3 or 4 years my libido decreased tremendously. I figured I was just getting older, and my wife thought it was because she was fat. As it ends up I had lower testosterone (way low) than what I should of had for being in my early 40s. I have been on T supplementation now for only 17 days and I have got to tell you that I am much better off. Him looking at porn actually boosts his testosterone levels which might be why he is browsing porn (that and he enjoys it), but physiologically men respond to sexual stimulation with more testosterone, so that may be why he is drawn to that. Him masturbating does lessen his desire to have sex with you, so if he can avoid doing that and instead have sex with you that is ideal (for you). As far as the not going down on you issue that will likely go away if the reason he has lost interest is that his T levels are low. They take about 20 days from starting to really kick in, but I can already tell a big difference in the way I feel, and I am assuming increased libido is around the corner as well and am looking forward to it. If it isn't that, depression, or other dissatisfaction might be involved. Try some professional counseling. But as a guy being told that you're not cutting it in bed should be enough to bring you around, and if it is not getting an outside therapist to help might be in order. I hope you figure it out because I think an open marriage will just end in a resentful divorce.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2010): i completely understand how u feel. my boyfriend is the same but i have realized that his way of hurting me is by blaming everything on me. he tells me that im obssesed with sex and that he does not know what happens to him but that i should just take it and live with it. everytime i talk about it with him he gets really angry and begans to ignore me and i hate it but now i know his best way out is by putting me down as if its my fault and there is something wrong with me and he likes the fact that my self steem went down because he always tells me that he does not know why i feel like this that in his case he is very self secure. so i think you should not think its you because it is totally his fault not yours.
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