A
female
age
51-59,
*itzi
writes:My husband told me I broke his heart and now he is holding a grudge and won't forgive me. We have been married for 20 years and 16 months ago he told me he LOVED ME but wasn't IN LOVE WITH ME anymore. We ended up separating. Ten months after our separation he hooked up with a co-worker 10 years younger than him. She has a 5 y.o. and a 7 month old from her soon to be ex-husband. Since my husband has been with her he has come back to me several times thinking I am the one he wants to be with. Everytime we start getting really close, he backs off and says, he is confused and ends up going back with her. We have finally filed for a divorce. I can't keep being used. I still love him very much, and want the man back that I married 20 years ago. I know he isn't happy. Why would a man with two almost grown children (14 and 17) want to start all over again. I know I need to move on, but I am afraid that if I move on to far, I will never get the chance of getting that man back that I married. Do you think once he is finished going through whatever it is that he is in, he will realize what he left behind. We had such a wonderful marriage for 18 years. Will his relationship last with this co-worker. Any suggestions would be great appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008): Sorry to hear what is happening to you and your children.
I suggest you talk to your pastor or a counselor soon.
Bless your heart...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): I suggest you hold on and don't give up. Check out the following websites www.cprministry.org and rejoiceministries.org they have many useful things. If you stand and you trust in God the relationship will end. YOu have to fight for your marriage, do not give up! Not only will your marriage be restored but it will be better than you ever imagined it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2008): what was he talking about when he said you broke his heart and he won't forgive you? What was he asking for?
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A
female
reader, Mitzi +, writes (20 June 2008):
Mitzi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice! I am trying very hard to move on. I still hope that someday he will be able to change back into the man that I married. He was a wonderful person. What makes a person change? I guess that is the million dollar question.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): He's playing you like a puppet, making you jump and dance with every twitch of his finger. i say, cut all strings and be free from him. he's manipulating you and using you as a back-up, just in case it doesn't work out with his new woman or any other woman he might want in the future.
LOVES YOU BUT ISN'T IN LOVE WITH YOU. that's a load of bull if you ask me. it's what people say when they are hurting someone but aren't brave enough to face the consequences.
i hear just too many stories of situations just like yours. why do you let him use you, trample all over you like this. leave him and let go. stop all contact and try to move on with your life. maybe after healing you will find a man who loves you and will never manipulate you like this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): You are in fact, waiting for a husband who has used some cleverly crafted words to keep you hanging and that is sad because he's in control, here and you are allowing it. Get your personal power back and, tell him either 'see ya around' or "please make a mature adult decision to come back to this marriage and work at it". Not this in between bouncing back and forth stuff. That is taking you down.
This comment about people who state to another "I love you but I'm not in love with you" pops up a lot on this site. Let me tell you what I think when one says that to another. To me, these words are a huge smokescreen-in other words, he can't come clean with what he really feels so therefore it is hurting you and he's not being honest. He would be better off to say "I like you as a good friend but I don't love you-I am letting you go to move and get on with your life" These words sound good but in reality they are the words of a person who simply, doesn't love the other. These are the words of a man who likes to keep his wife and family hanging, until 'he' needs them. Kind of a selfish thing to do isn't it and it's working for him because he has you totally confused and wondering, doesn't it? When we marry someone in our life...it's to find someone to share a meaningful, exclusive, love relationship with. Someone who wants us as much as we want them. Right? My suggestion: Be strong..go on, minimize or totally cut off contact here, until he can get into counseling with you and he wants to make this marriage go. If he decides that, he lets the other woman go, completely. If he can't do that, get to your lawyer and file for divorce. The kids will need to see their Dad, but you stay away from this man. I want you to be happy but if he's not going say "I love you', and doesn't show through loving actions and committment, then tell yourself that you do really deserve so much more than simply....waiting on nothing.
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