A
male
age
36-40,
*ohn1231
writes:I dated a girl for two months a year ago. The relationship ended when I told her I had "hooked up" with someone else. That someone else was my old best guy friend. I only said "hooked up" but all I did was kiss him. After I told her I had "hooked up" with him, she ended the relationship that night.I haven't talked to her for about 15 months now until yesterday when I received an e-mail from her. She said she wanted some closure and that she was having trouble trusting her current boyfriend because of what I had done to her over a year ago. That she is constantly worrying that he might cheat on her (as I did). She said she was not intending to open a dialog on the issue but if I had anything to say she welcomed it.My question is about how I should respond. I want to be honest but more so want to say something that will help her with this issue if that's at all possible.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): she obviously was made aware that you hooked up with another guy right? her issues are real - she is afraid that her current bf may leave her, just like you did, for another guy. she is questioning, am i enough for him,does he also have gay tendencies, and so forth. so yes, let her have her closure. i think you owe her that much.after all you were dating her, "cheated" on her with another guy. this would destroy anyone. nowadays people are more worried about their partners cheating on them with same sex partners. it is becoming more common and it is messing up too many lives. you may not have had feelings for this girl but allow her to get on with her life. meet with her, what do you have to lose. itmay also help you identify your true sexual orientation(?)
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 July 2009):
 You dated her for two months. I mean, I can see that her trust issues COULD stem from the relationship with you, but I think her issues are a little more deep rooted. You are just a convenient scapegoat.
Unless you can explain WHY you cheated. Most people don't dare look deep enough into themselves and their own shortcomings to admit, understand let alone explain it to someone else.
Maybe the easiest thing for you to say was that you were confused about your sexuality or felt a need to explore your own curiosity as far as guys go.
I don't know. Her trust issues is something SHE will have to deal with. Nothing you say or do will ever really fix that magically.. Her doubts won't go poof.
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A
female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (1 July 2009):
I dont understand why she is having problems with closure your a jerk enough said. So now she thinks every man she is dating is gay are you serious. If I were you i would let her know it hadnt anything to do with her its just that your feelings weren't the same as hers which led you to hook up with someone and that it had nothing personally to do with her maybe this way she will stop questioning herself no one wants someone that is insecure so just bring her up and let her know its you not her and she should move on to a happy life.
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