A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't feel like I'm in love with my bf anymore, we've been together for about 3 yrs now and were friends for about 5 yrs before that. Due to a mutual decision for him to move out and move in with his friend Mark as a roommate b/c of our financial situation at the time he no longer lives with me. I know this immense loneliness could just be stemming from being so used to having him around all the time, but it's starting to feel like we don't communicate b/c he's never here. Part of me believes that this is how he was before we became more than just friends and it worries me like he's losing interest in me and feeling like he can live the "bachelor" life now since Mark is single and they always have their guy friends over doing guy things. I still help my bf out with rides to work from time to time b/c he doesn't have a car at the moment and sometimes his personal issues get in the way of us spending time together. I really want to feel close to him again, so I try and think of how we were around each other when we first met. When I think of this I think of him and how immensly humorous he was and how hard he always tried to make me laugh. Now it seems like he's quiet all the time unless he's cracking a joke to Mark and his friends and I know when there's another girl around he wants badly to make her laugh but he knows I'm sensitive and doesn't want to hurt my feelings so he keeps quiet and tries to ignore them for me. But maybe thats it to, maybe he doesn't feel like he can be himself anymore, I try to let the new space we have between one another be comfortable but it's just so hard coping for me. And for him, it seems like it doesn't phase him at all b/c he's so happy about having his first apartment. He's only been living apart from me for like a month now and we only lived together for like a year, so I don't know what to think.. Mark's cousin Mandy comes over all the time too and she has two kids and should be watching them but she lives with her grandma and has her watch them so she can come and hang out with the guys, sometimes it's when I'm not there and I know he'd never cheat on me but even flirting or laughing or forming a "new" friendship with her (he knew of her b4 this situation b/c Mark lived with her and her bf Shane a long time ago and my bf was always over there) so it could be the rekindling of an old friendship with her. Here I go with worrying again but hey I'm not there and I don't see whats going on. He says I'm "giving her what she wants" by being worried about her but I don't get that, I don't think I'm that obvious when I'm around her b/c I've been nice to her. He also doesn't have his own cell phone so he can't call me as often as he probably would if he had his own cell phone but he doesn't call me hardly ever unless he needs a ride or needs something. All he does now is play video games, get drunk, and go to work. I don't feel like he's interested in me like he used to be. I'm also a little bigger since we've been dating (bodyshape wise) and Mandy has long blonde hair and is like a size 5. I sometimes worry that maybe he's not physically attracted to me enough to want to impress me or make me laugh like he used to, do you think this can play a big role in him losing interest for me? I try to be open with him about all of this stuff but all it seems to do is be a nuisance to him and he hates when I drag other people into the reasoning b/c he thinks it should just be about us. It's like he's heard it so many times and he knows that I'm insecure so he immediately becomes tired of the conversation, and I don't want to do that to him! I guess I'm not properly expressing my emotions with him? Or maybe I should just stop expressing these emotions altogether? Am I just going crazy?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2009): well we're actually getting along better now, but to make matters worse my bf's roomate's cousin is now moving in with her two kids for a wk b/c she got kicked out of her grandma's (probably for pawning the kids off on her all the time to go over to their apt and drink all night and hang out with the guys). i mean really? this is their 4th day living there and my bf's roomate just invited his cousin and her two kids to stay. she's not on the lease, this is my bf's first apt, and his rommate didn't even ask his permission before he let her move in. of course the only reason why he's okay with this is b/c he doesn't want to leave the kids out on the streets but hasn't this gone a little far? i mean part of me wants to think maybe his rommate and his cousin have a thing going on? maybe he's just looking out for her.. i don't know. but she tried to make up for the fact that she can't pay anything by filling up their kichen with groceries b/c she has food stamps. i just dont like the idea of my bf being around her now that she's living there, i'm afraid she'll end up staying more than a wk, and i could be staying over there too only i don't like to impose on people like that and besides that it would just make me look insecure and worrisome. i feel a lot better about the situation b/c my bf stayed at my place with me last night and will stay again tonight, but in 4 days is the amount of time she has to get out.. should i kill everyone with kindness and be nice about the whole thing or should i have my guard up? i want to be nice but i dont want anyone to get the impression that i'm not standing up for my bf and the fact that 3 new people who aren't even on the lease have moved in and his life has just done a topsy turvy because of it... i also dont like the fact that her older kid (6 yrs old) runs around and punches men in their genitals (has done this to my bf in the past) and made a comment about it the first day they moved in (he told me that irked him that she reminded him) all i said was "wow, she sure raises her kids right, doesn't she?" and he was like "i dont even want to talk about it, nevermind." like he just got sick of it immediately.. my main thing is i dont want him to have the kids pawned off on him like the poor grandma of hers did, i personally think she needs to move back in with her grandma, but i dont even have kids with my bf and i dont like him having to raise someone elses children or be liable for their actions if they screw up the apt. this is just a screwed up situation... what should i do if they end up staying longer than a week? should i just lay low in the bkground and continue to be nice? or should i speak up for for my bf somehow? if i were to speak up what would be acceptable? thanks.
A
female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (1 July 2009):
Its sounds like ya'll do have problems but if you are so worried about what he is doing why did he move in the first place maybe you make more of a issue with things then needed so what can he do you just said it yourself his life has changed he is hanging out with the guys and enjoying his first apartment maybe you should give him some free time and work on your own self esteem instead of making the issues about other people you get mad when he makes a girl laugh give me a break you got problems and he doesnt know how to help you so it is easier to shut down give you both some space and iam sure you will see the light maybe your relationship has run its course you are young what said that he is the one open your options up and enjoy your life and stop worrying.....
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