A
female
age
41-50,
*oggle2013
writes:Hello! So I'm a bit confused. I am still interested in my ex boyfriend. Every new guy that I meet reminds me how much I want my ex. Recently I met up with my ex for dinner. It was nice to see him. We talked a lot- about random things and about what happened with our relationship. I had strung him along quite a bit- he told me he'd really really liked me and didn't mind waiting for me. Also that the only reason he finished with me was because he didn't feel things were going anywhere! He also said it felt awkward because he wanted things to go further and I was holding back. I have learnt a lot about myself in last year. How I've pushed men away because I was unhappy with myself. I'm constantly had a fear of rejection- so sabotage things before they start. I want to change. I want him back. He has a new girlfriend.Should I just be honest and tell him how I feel about him- I feel like I either need the 'green light' or 'rejection' to move on!
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (22 June 2013):
 Hi
During dinner he told you why it did not work out, he was doing you a favour really, helping you to see where you went wrong from his view. He can talk objectively now because he has moved onto a new relationship.
You know he is right so your next relationship will be started with a better footing and have a greater chance of lasting, so pick wisely.
Just out of curiosity who asked who to meet up for dinner? I hope you didn't sleep with him afterwards as he is not free.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2013): Let me get this straight, your solution to pushing men away as a problem is to go for men who are spoken for? Ones you most likely can't have or if you can they'll be untrustworthy cheaters.
Not exactly the wisest choice OP. You don't fix one problem in dating by creating another. how do you propose to fix a fear of rejection by going for guys ten times more likely to reject you?
Leave him alone, let him get on with his life and move on. He's not your salvation, that has to come from within you and that only happens through intelligent dating.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2013): Why is he having dinner with you when he has a girlfriend? If you do get back together, do you think it would be okay if he meet up with this 'ex' for dinner?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 June 2013):
 Since she has a GF I think YOU need to realize you missed your chance.
Sorry.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (21 June 2013):
 do you really want him back or is it just that he's moved on and suddenly has become forbidden fruit?
i think people try to offer themselves a lot of reasons and explanations why they "sabotaged" a relationship in the past. fear of rejection or intimacy, etc. what i really think is that most people just aren't happy or aren't that into the person they're with. because lets be honest. if you were completely in love with this guy and so emotionally invested, you would have stayed with him and moved the relationship forward.
you can try to see if he's still interested. but i wouldn't be surprised if the same problems happened again. i think once you realize he's obtainable and you can have him, he won't be so appealing anymore. and then you'll fall right back into the pattern of not moving the relationship forward.
that's just my two cents. if i were you, i'd let it go and let him move on.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (21 June 2013):
Tell him how you feel. Don't let this opportunity go....you will regret it!
You only live once. Life is too short. Just respect that he is new a relationship. Do not do anything foolish and respect yourself!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2013): He has a girlfriend. That should be the end of it. When someone is in a relationship, they are No longer romantically available.
Unfortunately this is just life. You had your time with him but now it's over. Maybe in the future when you are BOTH single you can approach him, but don't bring him and his relationship down by inferring.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2013): H,young lady, if you really love him, let him know how you feel, he might just be with her, to comfort his missing you, I know its happened to me. A man can be with another women, an still be in love with you, thinking about you all the time, putting up a hey am ok, but deep in side his heart is crying for you.If he was a good man they are hard to fine, a lot of men, treat women like they don't care about a womens feeling s.How would you feel if you knew all this time he has been missing you like crazy, I bet you might be thinking he hates you, but he might be thinking you hate him. Hun if you love him, don't wait any longer, his heart, might be screaming for your love, I know mine is. Go get your man, don't feel like you are lowering your self, by just telling him how you feel, just tell him how you feel with your heart.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (21 June 2013):
 You arn't going to get the green light OR rejection from this guy and neither should you expect it.
You had your time with him and things didn't work out, now he has moved on and that is probably why you are thinking that you want him back.
That said...who instigated the dinner?...was it you or him?...and how did the evening end?
It could be that he just wanted closure so he can move on and be happy with his new girl (men like closure). He probably wanted to see that you were OK and getting on with your life so he can get on with his.
If you do tell him how you are feeling he's more likely to just ignore you than to have to reject you to your face...so think about that before you act.
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