A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My problem is that I would like to get back with my ex but he won't even talk to me. We broke up 9 months ago-he said he wasn't ready for a relationship and broke it off suddenly after getting heavy, making long term plans for us etc. I texted him shortly after because I found some of his belongings and he started accusing me of harrassing him and was insulting towards me. I also wanted to talk to him about the reasons for the breakup and he refused to talk and just became more insulting. I responded by becoming even more insulting. I think now that I just wanted him at the time to hurt as much as I did. I am ashamed of that now and have apologised. I was not my usual self at the time on account of not eating or sleeping and being so upset. I really felt as if someone had pulled the rug from under my feet, and just wanted to talk to him in order to sort things out in my head and felt really angry that he wouldn't even do that for me after he'd hurt me so badly. The breakup coincided with him getting a new job (he was out of work prior to this) and my friends and family say that he was just using me for food, somewhere to live etc. I don't know whether to believe this, and can't bear to think that I was just a meal ticket to him and our relationship was just based on lies. I miss him and would love to talk to him again. We had some brilliant times. I have sent him the occasional text just kept it light- just a 'hello how are you?'but he never replies so I don't persist. He hasn't changed his number (my bro in law is his cousin so I know this). I feel that he thinks I'm some sort of mad person for verbally lashing out immediately after we brole up. I don't know what to do. I just want to be able to say the right things and sort things out but I don't know if that will happen. I had gotten over it but have been feeling like this for the past couple of weeks for no apparent reason. What do people think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou are all right. Don't know what I was thinking-just having a whim. Just for the record, was not stalking him-only texted once or twice and did not keep on when he didnt reply. Have left it and will continue to leave it. Thanks everyone. x
A
male
reader, grouchy  +, writes (1 July 2008):
He's gone. Move on. There's LOTS of fish in the sea. Try some other type. I know, easier said than done. Been there, lived through that.
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A
male
reader, no_issues +, writes (1 July 2008):
 To say the right things is a great and noble ambition, but one which is chronically wasted on the previous guys of the world.
Saying the right thing to the guy who's gone is like showing up with a handful of birdseed for the bluebird that's already been eaten by the cat. You can keep trying to spread it around and get it out there, but no amount of persistence is going to help.
Instead, save the right words for the next bird to come a-warbling along.
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (1 July 2008):
 Don't hold your breath waiting for this one. He's gone, and shows every sign of staying gone. You can choose to wait if you want, but trying to keep on chasing him is just going to make you look more like a fool. And waiting around for him is just going to make you look (and feel) more and more lonely.
It's not a total loss. You've learned something about how to handle problems in a relationship ... or how NOT to. It's too bad the cost of tuition was so high in terms of heartache.
Its really a bummer, but in this situation the best you can do is give it up and move on. Painful, but necessary.
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