A
male
age
30-35,
*radL
writes:hi, im 18 years old and i just had my first relationship ever which ended yesterday, it was going on the 6 month mark.in our first month, she kissed/made out with two of her guy friends then told me about it( within 2 weeks of them both happening), she felt guilty but didnt understand why i was so upset, till i explained it to her. we got over it and we continue on and went through a lot together including a pregnancy scare, me moving to college (which caused lots of fights) and a lot of amazing times. shes only 16 and is in high school, but my college was close enough that we could still see eachother 4 of 7 days a week.i had troubles getting over the first 2 cheatings, just last friday we talked about them and she promised it has never happened and never will again, and that i changed her and she loved me so much. i believed it, but on tuesday i over reacted to her wanting to go out with her friends, one including a guy she had a thing with (we sort of had plans for that night but nothing set)she was mad thinking i was accusing her of cheating again, which she hadnt and i finally got over it and realized it was me being paranoid. we talked it out and everything went back to normal, and normally our relationship was amazing. everything was great again,but yesterday(wednesday, one day later) she talked to the guy she was talking to the guy she had a thing with in the past, at the end he kissed her, and she kissed him back for a good minute or so, then she walked away.she told me later that night, this time she knew what she did was terribly wrong, told me she loved me and it would never happen again and that it was the biggest mistake she ever made and she got caught up in the moment of an old thing. she said all she ever wanted was me.but as we talked, things jsut didnt work and we broke up, i wanted to end it but she eventually suggested it and i agreed.i talked to my friends and started feeling better, but 2 hours later she came back to me trying to get me to come back and it almost worked, but i took my friends advice saying to tell her i needed space for now.all in all, im scared if i went back that it would happen again and it would hurt me even more, but then again i feel like she really loves me and really means it as she called me crying alot, wanting me back.i want to go back to her so much, as it was so amazing, we lost our virginity to eachother and had a lot of amazing times and adventures, some of the best times of my life.but in the end, i dont know what to do, how would i ever be able to trust her again,or get over it again after the first times took me as long as it did, im at a stand still on what to do, and both ways seem like theres no way out to me, i really need help, thank you
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male
reader, bradL +, writes (29 October 2010):
bradL is verified as being by the original poster of the questionive decided to give it time, i realized that its my own decision and no matter what someone else tells me when i ask for advice, it always helps unless they try to tell me what decision to make, then i just get angry, and its not that its not what i want to hear, its just i realized i need to make it myself, cuz people have given me reason to try both routes, even tho one route is more chosen because they are not in my position. either way thanks for all the help but i wont be coming back here because no matter what i do i need to make that decision myself. thanks everybody
A
female
reader, kirra07 +, writes (29 October 2010):
I think you're making the right decision to give it time. When you love someone, it's hard moving from a relationship to broken up or a break, because it's a shock. To go from that comfort and familiarity to the unknown. So give yourself and her time. Maybe with time you'll realize that it's not worth the effort. Or that you want to give it another chance. Just keep in mind that she's screwed up twice before. Maybe she won't ever do it again, but there's still a good chance she will. She doesn't really really sound like she understands what she's doing and the potential consequences. So if you do get together with her again, tread carefully. And remember that if you let her do it, she might just continue doing it. When someone knows you love them a lot, they have power over you.
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A
male
reader, bradL +, writes (29 October 2010):
bradL is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim glad for all the opinions and i know people will say hell no to this reply, but every situation is different in a way, cuz the people are different, and i know your gonna say it ends the same why no matter what, but shes been trying to constantly get me back for the last 2 days,now im not giving in for sure and i just told her i needed my time away from her which i plan on taking for the next week or two, i told her i didnt know how long it would be but we would talk after thati feel like if i can get over her then maybe ill just find that i want hte amazing times back even at the chance of being hurt egain, except the next time around i will walk away from it knowing i made the right choice.im not saying im going to go back to her at all, but in the near future/ or so i might, hoping the scare of me leaving will knock some sense into her, because i know she truly did love mebtw i also know a lot of 16 year olds who settled down and have 2 year + relationships and im not trying to grab whatever i can to get that, ijust really love this girl and i havent made a decision yet.i hope some of you here will support me on my thoughts, and not just all say get over her, even tho that is what im doing and what i might stick with for good. all im saying is its been 2 days and my thinking is just not clear enough right now to make a decision
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 I agree completely with the previous posters. She is too young to be "settled down", you are too young to be worrying so much about this one girl, and it has only been 6 months. Of course it hurts. And you are over romanticizing the great times rather than focusing on the fact that she has CHEATED TWICE in 6 months. It is much easier to give in to her crying when you miss her too and it ends up feeling senseless to put yourselves through it when you both love each other... But you must. She will hurt you again. She is just scared of being alone as a previous poster said and is becoming desperate. And I'm sorry but you just don't make "mistakes" like that when you love someone. I don't believe there should have even been a plausible situation where she would have been arond a guy she has cheated on you with before. Let alone to let him kiss her. And kiss back... Anyhow focus on the bad things. We all tend to think about the good when breaking up and end up breaking down and giving in only to break up months later when it hurts 10 times more wishing we had stayed away the first time. Yeah, a lot of personal experience there. So stay strong. Ignore her. Let her grow up and move on. You will be absolutely fine trust me.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): Hey, she's not ready for a relationship that is long term. She's enjoying the "playing around", and frankly she may be enjoying the impact that telling you has and the thrill of both doing it and telling.
What are you going to do when she's not just kissing another guy, but sucking his cock and fucking him. That's what she's building up to.
Now, this doesn't mean she's a bad person, she probably has a lot of issues you don't know about and she's not even able to begin to understand, much less you. But as for you, at your age, and in a 6 mo relationship, you need to walk away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): Go with your gut and if you got the feeling you can't trust her, its over.
Think carefully about what you want too and why would you want to have her back?
There are big trust issues and you need to get over it if you truly want her back.
If that is not possible, it is the end of her and you.
Next step is to move on with your life, although it may not be easy right now.
Truthfully, it sounds like you are being used by her since she knows you'll take her back after cheating on you.
Be strong, and don't let her walk all over you.
Find someone who will not use you and have more respect for you.
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A
female
reader, Jen1689 +, writes (28 October 2010):
 Please don't go back to her. Once a cheated, always a cheater. I hope you believe this. She's not only cheated on you once, but THREE times, with THREE different guys. In only six months! She's obviously very immature and not ready to be committed to anyone. She WILL cheat on you again if you take her back, because she knows that she can get away with it. And she can if you forgive her a second time. She's a manipulator. Period. She's 16. She's not ready to settle down, believe me. My fiance's ex was exactly the same way. She cheated on him with his best friend and with a girl once. When he finally broke up with her (for good), she sliced her wrist open with a kitchen knife. Do you think she was really sorry and wanted him back? Or do you think she was desperate and scared? I choose the latter. Only two weeks after that incident, she was sleeping with another guy. She got pregnant two months later, and is now single as no guy wants her.
This girl is bad news. Please don't take her back. She needs help that you can't give her.
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A
male
reader, Cccc  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 Dude only 6 months? just leave it man 6 months and already cheating?
No ways dude that will NEVER change !If it was 2+ years then id say "OK sure try again cause you had something" but nah not 6 months!
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A
male
reader, deadwalk  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 Here u only don't have faith on her if she's doing that all stuff in front of u only like kissing another and later telling u I want to stay with u she might be done this thing to so many guys so there is no point to believe here again
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