A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have a wonderful boyfriend. Who's loving, caring, funny and perfect! He makes my life complete and without him I'm nothing. Just since we have had a few large problems.. He finds away of escaping from reality. What has lead me to socialize with his brother more (who we are temporary living with) His brother has been so kind to me. Took me out for dinner. Had day trips out he's a great laugh. We are always play fighting, picking on each other. Its just I've become very sexually attached to him.. I've had him in my mind all the time and its all I think about.. Am I a bad person? I want his brother so bad.. I love my other half but never felt like this before. Oh and his brother is 10 years older than me. What makes it more sick. Help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): Dear Original Poster,Just because other people had to fight in Vietnam and go through other horrors and terrible time, does not diminish what is your reality right now - that you are confused and came here to ask us for help on YOUR situation, not theirs, so here goes.You are not a bad person, you are merely at an age where it's normal to discover, to daydream, to hope, to love everything and everyone ;-) When I was your age, I had posters all over my bedroom wall of the male TV stars I was "in love" with. Also the guys in my sister's class who were 5 years ahead, who I was "in love" with. But now, all these years later, I know what it was: it was the age of innocence, of learning about myself, discovering about life, and love. It was a crush. It happens when you spend time with someone, regularly, who you respect, like, admire or could feel attracted to, but it usually dies down when you set some boundaries for yourself, or time or space intervenes and the crush dies as quickly as it arose. It can be harmless, but it can also be serious and cause a lot of hurt and damage, so in your case, you have to tread very carefully.Why?Because you have shared how wonderful your boyfriend is. So you have to remember that blessing, and reward everything he is to you, by giving him everything of yourself, including your loyalty and faithfulness.You are young and saying no to others will be part of the present for as long as you are with your wonderful boyfriend, and even more so, to his BROTHER! That is a big NO NO NO. Not only will it hurt your boyfriend beyond comprehension, it will hurt their relationship as brothers and their family as a whole. You don't want to be the cause of that.Fortunately you are only temporarily living with his brother. While you do, you will need to put distance and space with this brother. It may be mutual attraction, or with him being older, it may be more from your side. You need to stop going out alone with him. Never allow that again if you value your boyfriend, your relationship, and your future, for both of you.The play fighting may seem very innocent, but it definitely leads to fire, so stop those kind of games. You need to put the focus BACK on your boyfriend, and if you can't do this, naturally, then you have bigger problems and perhaps need to break up with him or you will only end up hurting him.Perhaps take some time out to discover if you really want him, and know this is a big risk as he will be very hurt and will never see things as they were.If you spend more time with you boyfriend, he will be more on your thoughts, not his brother. If your boyfriend is not as available, go out with other friends, in a group, and don't only see his brother as an option. You risk everything when you spend time alone with him because you are too attracted to him for your own good.Do the right thing. You can do it!
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (13 August 2013):
 I'm sorry but when we get questions about marriages at risk and child care issues and then we get one about a goofy teenage crush that in a couple of months is going to vanish it.'s really hard not to just scream. You know when I was your age, we had a horrendous war (Vietnam) going on, 100's dying everyday, we had a civil rights war being waged in mant cities, we were busy as teenagers staying focused on all of this. Puts things in perspective. Oh and also we had to walk a mile to school both ways everyday...up hill both ways...in the snow...
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (13 August 2013):
 I love how you start by saying how much you love your boyfriend and how perfect, wonderful, and amazing he is and how without him, you're nothing. But then go on to talk about how badly you want his bro. It doesn't go both ways. Either you love your boyfriend and want to be with him and let these feelings for his brother go, or you break up with your boyfriend. But you must not love him as much as you say if you're thinking about banging his brother all the time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): You need to seriously cut the level of contact with the older brother, even if you are living under his roof. It's hard to tell what his intentions are from what you have written, but the relationship you are developing with this 27-year-old man is heading in a very inappropriate direction.Even if having a relationship with him were appropriate (which it definitely is not, considering you are only a teenager!), have you considered the effect it might have on your partner's family as a whole? What if your partner ends up hating his own older brother as a result?Does your partner know that his older brother took you out for dinner without him? That you have had day trips with him? What does he think about this? Perhaps he thinks it is harmless, but you yourself know that it is beginning to be otherwise (or else you wouldn't be here, asking the question).I don't think you are a bad person, but I do think you are a confused and vulnerable person. You need to end the unhealthy fascination with this man. He needs to hang out with women closer to his own age. You might find him attractive and "a great laugh", but when you stop and look at things from a little more distance, is it really that attractive for a man who is nearly 30 to be in any kind of relationship with someone your age? The answer is obviously no, but maybe you need to keep reminding yourself of that.Stop the play fighting, don't have meals alone with him, and don't go on day trips with him that don't involve your partner. Perhaps most importantly, you and your boyfriend might consider finding somewhere else to live, if it is feasible and safe for you to both do so.If it is any consolation, in 10 years your boyfriend will probably look a lot more like his brother, if he doesn't already. And maybe in 10 years the brother will start to look weary and less desirable to you. Whatever the future holds, it is clear that you need to exercise more long-term thinking and less "in the moment" thinking, before these thoughts of yours lead you down a bad path.
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