A
female
age
36-40,
*ate_confused
writes:Hey my name is Kate and I am 22 years old, my best friend for the last 10 years has been a guy named Derek. and when I say best friend I mean my everything, the person who I could spend hours watching movies with but neveer saying a word to, telling every deep dark secret, the person I call when I'm sad and the person who has spent more nights at my house then his own. 2 years ago I started dating Bradley, and I have never been so happy in my whole life. He is suer sweet, cute, funny all the thigns every girl dreams of. The only problem is he is really jealous of the freindship I have with Derek. A few weeks ago we were al at the same party and derek got up and sang this song that he dedicated to me and it was about a girl who didn't know that her best friend had a crush on her, when the song was over he walked over to me and kissed me. I had no idea he fel tthis way. Now Bradley is mad at me. He told me that I couldnt be friends with Derek any more. Even after I told him that my heart belongs to him he still insists that I choose either him or Derek, I dont know what to do??? I love him but I cant think of my life with out derek. Is there any way I can get them to like each other and not lose one of the two people who i can't live with out?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): Kate,
I'm not sure that 'yes' is a possible answer to your question, but I'd ask a different question... First, you can't make two people like each other and frankly, you shouldn't try.
What you can do, is talk to your BF and tell him that your best freind happens to be a guy. If he loves you then he needs to accept this, as this paltonic relationship is important to you.
Now, if Derek has a secret crush on you this could get more complex as you're going to have to set him straight that your freindship is platonic and you don't see him as a love interest.
I (a guy) have been though this... had a girl that I'd liked on and off since Highschool. We'd been freinds in HS, though college, both gotten married and both gotten divorced (we both married cheaters) and reconnected. Once again, I took an interest in her, but she didn't return it, and simply wanted to be freinds. While it wasn't what I wanted I tried to make it work, but in the end, I had to distance myself more than I wanted to... Frankly, it's a hard thing to deal with - when a guy really likes a woman it's hard to be freinds. Women seem to do better at platonic M/F relationships.
Talk to your BF, reasure him that he's your man, and that Derek is and will remain a platonic freind. If Derek can't maintain a proper boundary, you'll deal with that on the spot...
Good luck!
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