A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:We have lived together 2.5 years. I'm 44 with 2 grown up kids living at home, he is 40. He works 10.5 hour days with an extra hour on top for travelling and claims to be too tired for sex. We will usually have sex once a week, sometimes twice a week at weekends. He knows I want more but I got fed up with getting rejected when I initiated it so don't bother. Sex every five days is the norm. However on at least 5 occasions, (that I know about) when he has been off work and I have gone to my job he has looked at porn and masturbated. One occasion was when he went to work but was sent home as had diarrhoea. He still managed to look at porn and masturbate even though was ill. He looks at slim girls with big boobs who are in their mid twenties getting oral sex from men or other women. However he will not give me oral sex. I am middle aged with a daughter that age and I have a mummy tummy. It makes me feel inadequate. So he's too tired for sex yet as soon as I'm out the door he's doing that. The first time I was aware of this happening we had a convo where I said I was not happy with porn in my relationship and asked him to stop as I find it hurtful, he agreed but it happened again, so again I ask him to stop gave my reasons again, this time pointing out how he has little interest in sex and refuses me but is choosing porn/masturbation instead. Anyway this cycle has repeated around 5 times now. He then blamed a lack of sex on my grown up kids being in the house. Although when he viewed porn etc, they were in the house each time and that never bothered him. I have not had this issue with previous partners, who have always wanted an active sex life and showed no interest in porn. This evening he was playing on his game console (something else he does more than have sex with me) and I went to him and told him I was feeling horny, to which he responded can't you wait until later as one of kids is in the house. I suggested I could go sort myself out to which he said no and that he will sort me out later. Later on I tell him I'm going to bed, he's still on the console, when he finally comes to bed, he tells me he came up to sleep, nothing else. Am I being mugged off by this man ?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 April 2017):
 Okay if he doesn't want to have sex more than once or twice a week then I wouldn't push it, same if it was the opposite way around.
But I do get your issue with porn. You have asked him to stop and he has refused, so now you need to ask yourself is it worth being in a relationship where he is going to view younger girls against your will? If it is then you need to accept it and if not you need to realize that he is not going to change his habits and show him the door.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2017): Personally I believe it is wrong to push a bf or husband to have sex with when he doesnt want to or he is unable because of medical issues or otherwise. If he is gone off he is gone of. Insisting only aggravates the situation and turn it to a hated household chore. You should look into other options such as having a vibrator or dumping him or finding another partner while still with him. See how that grabs him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2017): He absolutely has no respect for women - you're right
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2017): Thanks for the replies so far. Just for the record, no he doesn't have body hang ups about himself.He uses the same excuse I read time and again on forums, that it's just a quick release and it's normal. I wouldn't do anything that I knew was hurtful to him and I resent he carries on doing that what is hurtful to me regardless. He has a WhatsApp chat group of about 15 mates and the same handful share porn with the group on a daily basis, they're all married and in their forties, hence why he says it's normal and I'm not because I have a problem with it. During the first three months of our relationship he was texting and flirting with a 26 year old he worked with behind my back. He is reluctant to accept he is pushing middle age and I guess this thing for younger women is part of that. He has told me he has used a hooker in the past and would do again if single. So I'm starting to think he just has no respect for women.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2017): Thanks for the replies so far. Just for the record, no he doesn't have body hang ups about himself.He uses the same excuse I read time and again on forums, that it's just a quick release and it's normal. I wouldn't do anything that I knew was hurtful to him and I resent he carries on doing that what is hurtful to me regardless. He has a WhatsApp chat group of about 15 mates and the same handful share porn with the group on a daily basis, they're all married and in their forties, hence why he says it's normal and I'm not because I have a problem with it. During the first three months of our relationship he was texting and flirting with a 26 year old he worked with behind my back. He is reluctant to accept he is pushing middle age and I guess this thing for younger women is part of that. He has told me he has used a hooker in the past and would do again if single. So I'm starting to think he just has no respect for women.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2017): Yes your being mugged off as you put it
Tell him that seeing as he clearly wants a young twenty year old so badly you will leave him to find one and kick his sorry ass to the kerb . Sorry but he sounds gross looking at girls half his age
Ps I was in the same boat and had to worry every time he was around my daughters who are also in their twenties . No one can tell that men can be jerking off to those girls one minute then staring at young women in you very own Loungeroom the next not thinking the very same thing about them. Any woman our age who is ok with her man doing that and thinks he isn't looking at his daughters and her friends that way is seriously brainwashed
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (27 March 2017):
 You've told him 5 times youre not happy and he's still not changed. What are you expecting from telling him again?
Leaving someone from not being sexually satisfied is a perfectly valid reason yout know.
Sounds like he's set in his ways and doesn't seem likely to change anytime soon so you have 2 options. Suck it up and deals with it or break up and find someone who fulfills your needs.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2017): I understand porn being addicting I am somewhat addicted myself. But have you ever thought that maybe he is embarrassed about how he looks naked and he doesn't want to look at himself.
Men do that they say they are fat or ugly and they get embarrassed. but still if he treats you this way it is likely that he is just an asshole. you should leave him. Be careful as men can be controlling and very sensitive don't set him off or he may become violent.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (27 March 2017):
 You have told him you don't like porn in the relationship and he agreed to stop but it has happened at least 5 times since then .....
So, what are YOU going to do now, he doesn't have enough sex with you and he uses porn which you have asked him not to do, he agreed but did it anyway.
The fact he has repeated using porn 5 times since he agreed not to shows that he doesn't care about what you want, nor does he have a problem saying he will do something but not follow through, he now knows there are no consequences for him.
You are still young enough to find another relationship, there are lots of men out there who would love to find a woman who wants sex more than once a month.
If this guy isn't adding anything positive to your life, but is continuing to disrespect an agreement then its time to remove him from your home and find somebody who is more in tune with you.
Good luck
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