A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm a straight A honors gifted student. In the 9th grade I am taking a college course already. My parents have always been strict, but I want them to know they can trust me more than they do and that I'm a really smart girl. Whenever I bring it up they don't want to hear it. I want to be able to hang out with friends at night, to go out of town with friends, and for them to just trust in me. Any suggestions on how I should confront them about it without sounding like the stupid teenager they assume I am? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 January 2012):
 Book Smart and STREET smart are two different things. Congrats on Book Smart. My younger son was much like you in high school and went on to a very nice college career but he was very slow to mature socially. I get that you don’t want to be babied but I have to tell you that I cannot see a 15 yr old going out of town with friends or a NIGHT ON THE TOWN?
WHAT would you do? PG-13 movie and dinner? On the bus? Or do mommy and daddy drive you?
You do not confront them. THEY are your PARENTS and have your best interest at heart. I know you do not want to hear this but in 25 years you will laugh at it… truly. You will go “dang I thought I was a grown up”…
YOU EARN their trust.
YOU let them KNOW your friends….
BEST: MOM and DAD I’d like to have my friends over on Saturday night for a party… they say yes… you plan food and music and make sure everyone knows that there will be NO alcohol or drugs allowed and that CURFEW and responsible behavior will be part and parcel of the party…. And accept that your PARENTS SHOULD be home when this party happens albeit NOT in the party room…. I started parties at 13 or so and by the time I was 18 I was allowed to have parties at home with 30 or 40 friends and my folks would go out…. They LEARNED that I Knew the rules and we were responsible and respectful of them, my home and my parents.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2012): "Any suggestions on how I should confront them about it without sounding like the stupid teenager they assume I am?"
Stupid teenagers confront their parents which only pisses them off and accomplishes nothing because parents have all the power.
Stupid teenagers keep bringing up subjects parents keep telling them they don't want to hear about, which only pisses them off and accomplishes nothing because parents have all the power.
Smart teenagers realize trust is a priviledge earned through actions, not a request granted through words.
Smart teenagers let their parents know they can be trusted by being responsible, taking initiative and using good judgement in their daily lives, not by telling them they can be trusted.
Smart teenagers do as expected without being asked or asking for a reward.
Smart teenagers look for ways to voluntarily help their parents without asking or taking credit.
Smart teenagers know the best way to let their parents know they can be trusted is by never ever giving them reason to know they can't.
Smart teenagers respect their parents' maturity and life experience.
Smart teenagers remain aware at all times that their parents are former smart teenagers themselves, probably smarter that they were, and smart parents don't always tell smart teenagers everyting smart parents know about smart teenagers.
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A
male
reader, landomando +, writes (24 January 2012):
To be honest you are a girl. A young girl. You may be smart, but people out there in the real world are not smart. Your grades, in a safe secure school environment have nothing to do with real world situations. People take advantage of girls. Stuff does happen. whether you want to accept that or not kinda depends on your maturity level. You have to understand there is a reason your parents dont want u out late. Drugs, alcohol, stupid people doing stupid stuff. Your parents can trust you all they want, but do your parents trust them. Them as in the real world. answer no. and they are right too. You may not want to accept this cause hell at your age i wouldnt! but you are really young to be out late...
But probably to solve this since i had parents like this would be what alot of people do is tell there parents they are at a friends sleeping over and go out. . What they dont know cant hurt them...
lol how i write that paragraph then say that haha goodluck!
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (24 January 2012):
 At 14 years old where would you be going out of town? How would you get there? How late would you stay out? With what friends? Doing what? I don't see myself allowing a 14 year old to go out of town unsupervised.
What you're asking may seem reasonable to you, but it's too vague and all encompassing to your parents and it scares them.
Are your parents immigrants from another country? Unfortunately many see Westerners as loose, liberal and a bad influence on their children.
I suggest you start very small. Stick to something local and when you have a specific outting in mind ask them if you can stay out for an extra hour. Tell them what you'll be doing and whom you'll be with. Do they know any of your friends well? If your parents are that strict they've probably made a point of it, but if not it might help to make introductions and have your mates over once in a while.
It might also help if you asked to tag along on an outting that included another friend's parent. That way your folks could get accustomed to you being out later with the benefit of knowing you'd be supervised and safe.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (24 January 2012):
 If I had a daughter your age, I wouldn't want her to hang out late at night either, nor would I allow her to go out of town. You may not agree with this, but you're too young for that type of freedom. What you're suggesting is something more appropriate for an older teenager.
There is nothing you can do to change their minds. They've already shut your suggestions down. This isn't about your grades. Academic achievements don't reflect on life experience, nor are they an indicator of maturity. As someone who grew up with strict parents, I suggest you start waving your ideas good-bye because they won't happen. Have some patience (a sign of real maturity)and talk to them about it in 2+ years.
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