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female
,
anonymous
writes: For the past couple of years or so, I've felt sexually attracted to women. Initially, and still, it is usually to women that I feel are "better" than me in some way (prettier, better hair, better clothing, better personality, etc.) It's now gotten to the point where I feel aroused if I see any girl pretty much, unless she's hideous. I don't even have to see what she looks like (she can be far away) and I feel it. It's very annoying. I was talking to my therapist about it and she thinks that it's because I feel that I am lacking intimacy with women. I don't have very many female friends and I feel pretty out of the loop when it comes to having them. I've had serious boyfriends from the age of 18 on, and I have usually spent all of my time with them. I see groups of girls and I envy their closeness, their friendship. My psychiatrist thinks it's "attraction anxiety"...that I sexualize girls because I envy their supposed femininity and that I want to be LIKE them.My mind keeps obsessing over this, so I feel that I might become aroused even when I probably wouldn't have if I hadn't been thinking about it! It's like, "There's a girl...I guess I'm attracted to her..." and then I start getting aroused. It's like I'm forcing myself to become aroused or something. My sex life is suffering too, because lately, when I've slept with my boyfriend, I start thinking about girls (on purpose, I think....It's like I can't help it) and I get upset. It's gotten worse over the past month, in fact.I still want men to notice me and find me attractive, however. And when I look really pretty and feminine, I find that I am not attracted to women at all. Seriously. I think it's because I feel as if I am their equal then. I admit that I haven't really been very sexually attracted to men lately. My boyfriend understands and he's been very supportive. And in the long run, I am more emotionally attracted to men and want to marry one and have a family some day.Anyway, I guess I'm just wondering...have you ever come across somebody with a dilemma like me? And what do you make of all of this? Am I a lesbian?
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male
reader, kstxguy +, writes (10 September 2006):
Well of course your BF is supportive, he can sense that he is one giant step closer to the "default" guy fantasy. If he plays his cards right, he will be rolling around naked with you and another chick within a month or two. Personally, I say you face your fear and indulge his fantasy. Go out together and find a great looking girl that is up for some no-strings fun. After that you may have a better perspective on your feelings towards other girls.
Peace
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2006): If you want women and you want men, then what is there to be confused about? I say, go try both to satisfy your curiosities. In the end, if you come to realize you like both, great, pursue your bisexual happiness, if not, and only like women, then awesome, go for it - who's to say it's wrong? Unless you think it's wrong. Or when you think it's all just a phase and find you really like men, then let the guys chase after you, etc.
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