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female
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anonymous
writes: Two years before my husband and I got married we discused trying to have children after being married a year. Now that we have been married a year he keeps saying that he's not ready and pushes it back further...now he tells me in three more years. I really want to start trying for kids sooner than that. Any advice on what I should do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (10 August 2006):
 Honey, I'm afraid you have hit a marriage dealbreaker. I know of at least two marriages among my sphere of relatives that failed partly because only one spouse wanted children.
maxsteel86 asks you to not to pressure your husband. I agree - clearly your husband's true colours are shining through on the topic of children. So don't pressure him. If the both of you really made this agreement to try for children after a year of marriage, point this out to him. He seems to be reneging with this "let's wait three years" response, so don't let him off the hook.
I would suspect that he may never be ready to have children. He is acting just like the man who is having an affair and keeps insisting to his mistress that he will be leaving soon - there are just some other things he needs to do first. But you deserve a straight answer because you held up your end of the deal.
Your marriage is in deep trouble. The decision to have or not have children strikes at the very foundation of your marriage, and it will take herculean effort now to avoid failure.
Good luck and take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006): I would tell him that you married him for many reasons and one of them was his promise to have children in the first year of marriage.
I would tell him that him going back on his word is upsetting and unfair.
I suggest getting some marriage counselling as his reasons for not following through on a promise can be made known and then addressed.
It is always best for the married couple to both decide to have children.
All of these concerns and fulfillments of promises can be addressed with a counsellor to help mediate the both of you and your thoughts and feelings.
He could have just been unprepared or wanted you so bad that he misrepresented himself to you.
Either way, counselling sounds in order.
Good Luck.
*hugs*
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (10 August 2006):
 Umm 'forget' to take any birth control pills?:-P
Guess you'll have to talk to him and see what his reasons for holding back are. He may just not feel ready to be a dad or perhaps he's worried about how he could afford taking care of a child.
Try remind him that if you wait too long, the higher the chances of having difficulty conceiving. but then again, it might be better not to pressure him. imagine telling him your good news and his reaction is one of shock:-O
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