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female
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anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago but I didn't think it would be for good because everytime something happens we say its over but we always work it out and carry on because we really do love each other. (the thing that happened is a bicker about a girl he was texting) But I've just found out he's seeing someone new (not the same girl from the text arguement). Even though it was me who ended it I didn't mean it. Now he's got a new girlfriend and its killing me. I love my boyfriend more than anything in the world. I contacted him today to tell him i loved him and that I'd heard about his new girlfriend and that it hurt like hell. He's been in constant contact with me all day saying he doesnt want me to be hurt and he only got with her cos he thought I'd moved on with someone else. I asked him if he would think about trying again and to start with he said no that he was moving on now but wanted to stay friends but then he said he thought we were soul mates and that he didnt think we would ever end either. He said he likes her and he knows that she likes him so he cant just drop her suddenly cos he doesnt want to hurt her but that he still loves me so he'll think about us getting back together and he just needs to sort his head out and figure out what he wants. He told me he loves me but to keep it to myself. And he got mad when he thought I was speaking to his girlfriend (which i wasn't) so that makes me think he's just stringing me along and that he really wants her now.But I've told him if he doesnt want me anymore just to say it and not worry about sparing my feelings because it'll just hurt me more in the longrun to give me false hope and leave me hanging onto the thought that we'll be together again and he said he does want to think about it, that he always thinks about us being together again and that he loves me.I don't know what to do. I know I cant force him to do something but I dont know how to handle this situation. I want him to want me. It hurts like hell and I cant breathe. I dont think its natural to be in this much pain! Should I text him every day and stay in contact with him so he doesnt just move on with her and forget about me? Or should I give him space, let him miss me and hope he'll come back to me? I know he loves me and he's a really good guy. I think its just that we were together for a while and a lot happened so it feels kind of "old" and like there's history between us but he just met her so its in that new and exciting stage. I really love him and my heart is so broken. Thanks in advance xxx
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broke up, move on, soul mates, soulmate, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007): I'm going through a break-up now too, and I know how the days apart seem impossible... but let me tell you what I know from having gone through this before. Guys are simple, black and white... if he wants to be with you, he would be. There would be no other girl, or being just friends, you'd be the only one. Don't fall for his words, look at his actions... and believe in yourself, and that you deserve more. Because you do. He's playing a game, having his cake and eating it too... do you really want to be the girl on the side that he's texting now? Trust me, the sooner you cut him off the sooner you'll heal... it will feel like hell, but it'll be better than playing by his rules and letting him let you linger. And if he does really want you back, this is the only way he'll come... when he really thinks he's losing you, when he really thinks he's not in control of you anymore, and he really realizes what he's losing. I know it's hard to hear, but it's the truth and you certainly deserve to be with a guy that isn't willing to risk losing you at all.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2007): Breaking up with someone has to be on of the hardest situations us humans are faced with. You think you found the one you love only to be left with a broken heart. It's so natural to feel worthless and down after a split up.But remember its not always your ex you're missing alot of the time its routine.Because you have got so used to seeing, texting, ringing,going here and going there. When you're split you feel lost because the routine you had got so used to had been lost over night. Sweetie you finished with him for a reason and just by reading ur dilema i have realised that you have got so much love to give. Their are millions of guys out there waiting to meet someone like you.Good things come to those who wait and believe me thats true.Don't take the next man who comes along, wait because babe ur worth a million of them. No one is perfect i just broke up with my man and it hurts me alot.But im staying strong.Go out and enjoy life whilst ur young. Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've spoken to him today (he called me) and he said that he really loves me and wants a life with me and he's gonna think about it a lot over the next few days. God i'm so confused. I do understand that he just got with this girl and doesnt want to just drop her straight away but am i just being one of those women i hate who cant see whats staring her straight in the face and believes what she wants to believe? God it hurts like hell.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2007): No, you can't force him to do something. I realize you are hurting, but I really think the best thing you can do now is to - do NOTHING.Think about it: the two of you have talked, and you have told him how you feel. He has done the same. However, he told you he is dating another now, and doesn't want to hurt her. He's to be commended for that, you know! But keep in mind he was texting someone else already, which is why you broke up with him, and now is with still another girl.Sending emails and texts every day (or even every other day) to make sure he does not forget you will likely not achieve anything. Except to irritate him. I'm sure that's not what you would want.So that is why I'm saying to just leave it completely alone now. See if he gets in touch with you in another couple months or so. If he does, and you both take up again, great, if not, you will have to move on.In the meantime, as Ponungalungb has said, try not to dwell on how much it hurts, but get on with your life and do some fun activities! I would only add to think over what happened and see what you can learn from it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlol ok. two totally different answers and my problem is that i agree with both of you! argh i dunno what to do. i dont wanna do the wrong thing here and lose him.
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female
reader, lahainaKat  +, writes (13 February 2007):
 WOW! You poor thing. I feel for you. You are me 3 yrs ago, the names have just been changed. Today I still think.... I wish I would of fought for him and tried to keep in touch.... but I believed if I get go he would come back. I lost... she won his heart...and he won my heart. :( Aloha Kat
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reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (13 February 2007):
 There's an old saying (and I think Sting stole part of it for some song lyrics) that goes something like this:
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you, they are yours forever. If they don't, they were never yours to begin with.
Give him time and space. In the mean time, do something constructive with your life instead of dwelling on your pain. Take up a hobby like painting, bowling, or ballroom dancing. Who knows, you may just get swept off your feet.
Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionooops i just realised i said "i love my boyfriend". subconscious slip. should've been "i love my ex boyfriend!"
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