Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe wasn't the reason my marriage failed. Me and my ex had alot of other issues that we were just tired of trying to fix all the time. We had both gotten to the point where if we stayed together we would hate each other. So my marriage being over, while definatley hard and a big adjustment, really had nothing to do with the affair. My ex didn't even know. And we've only been seeing each other a couple of months. We were just two people who accidently found each other and while it didn't work, I gotta say I probably knew that from the beginning. He's married I should of never gotten involved.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow that's kinda harsh. Thanks for being honest though. I guess i just didn't want to believe that's all it was. Oh well over and done now. Again thanks to everyone for the advice. Especially Uncle Phil the male point of view made a huge difference in my decision.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): I'd guess the translation goes something like:
"It's been brilliant fun and I've really enjoyed having sex with you, and I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have, but the wife is getting suspicious. Now that you come to mention it, this would not be a bad time to call it a day before we get caught - or more to the point - before I get caught and have a load of shit from her and her lawyers. Please keep quiet about what we've been doing because although I've had a really good time with you, I value my family life. I didn't want to be the one to call it a day first, because I was afraid you might stir the shit with the wife".
How's that for a translation?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate-- So last night I told him after this trip I couldn't be with him anymore, no harsh feelings but it just had to be over. And he said he was thinking the same thing. So tell me what does that mean? Uncle Phil your the male, transfer for me please!!
...............................
A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (21 March 2008):
 I am so pleased that you took our advice and finishing with this jerk. The best of luck with the future. Dusky xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (20 March 2008):
 wow, Uncle Phil is so right - I'm afraid you just have to face it. Find someone else. You don't deserve this!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): Good for you - and make sure you stick to your word or we'll come and get you!!
(:o)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've decided that tonight I am going to tell him that after this trip we are on now I can't see him anymore. He and his wife deserve a real shot at making their marriage work and if it doesn't it will have nothing to do with me and then maybe we'll be able to be together. Thanks everyone.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd the thorn hurts, there is no doubt about it. And i do feel incredibly guilty about his wife. I've been there I know how much that hurts. It eats at me.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (20 March 2008):
 Sis has a very good point. He is in a bed of roses and you are sitting on a thorn.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree Uncle Phil did get it right.
...............................
A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (20 March 2008):
Uncle Phil has hit the nail on the head with his advice.
...............................
A
female
reader, Sarrah +, writes (20 March 2008):
Talk to him and ask him how he sees the future.
Then make a choice: do you want to wait or not?
I think that you have to set an expiredate on it for yourself! If the situation is the same on that date and you are not feeling fully happy with it: break up and give yourself new chances! Take care!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank everyone who has responded. You have all helped me greatly. Thank You
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe changed the rules on the me. I was married too when we met. My husband left me which left me in an odd place and thats when he was more than happy to become attached to me and of course i responded in the same way.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dawnie +, writes (20 March 2008):
 Oh please, grow up and find someone SINGLE.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): He loves his wife? don't make me laugh he is a two timing creep. If you love someone you don't cheat. You are a fool to have got involved, i don't have sympathy for you, just his poor wife.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): Married men do sometimes leave their wives for their 'other woman', not all keep the other woman dangling on a string. However, in this case I'd say it's most unlikely that he'll leave his wife because he's told you he still loves her.
I'll translate that statement for you.
"I love my wife, probably not as much as I should do because I'm cheating on her with you. But I have responsibilities such as paying the mortgage etc, and if I were to get divorced it would probably cost me dearly. However, if you're happy for me to have my cake and eat it too, and if I can come and see you to get my leg over on the odd occasion, and you don't mind too much about the infrequency of it all, then I won't mind too much either. It's a lot less expensive than getting divorce lawyers and me having to pay them both. I like this cosy little arrangement, and although I know it's not ideal for you, it's the best you're going to get and while you're happy to put up with it, I certainly will be."
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): To be honest, hes not worth it. Why want a man who already has a loving relationship plus how do you know that once he ends it with his wife to be with you he wont do it to you to?
I believe that once a cheater, always a cheater!
Plus if you hardly see him its stupid i no you love him ive been in a relationship like this too but truley hes not worth the wait or the heartache
Dont you feel guilty on his wife?
And how do you no your the only one hes saying this to?
hope this helps x
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 March 2008):
You have no choice but to give this up. You are hurting yourself on this one. You will feel like a bigger idiot the more time you waste.
...............................
A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (20 March 2008):
Right lets cut to the chase!!!!
This guy is strictly off limits and men like him rarely leaves their wives. We get so many posts about people who have affair with married men or women saying that their lover tells them that they love them etc.
That is complete and utter bulls**t, you are his bit on the side and will be nothing else. If you are terrified of getting hurt, then the best thing for you to do is call complete closure on this relationship. You are still young and you deserve so much better than playing second fiddle to this jerk.
Why don't you find a man who is single? America is a big country and there are plenty of nice single guys out there to choose from. Why choose a guy who is not 100% available for you? Don't give him the satisfaction of him using you like this, otherwise the longer this goes on the harder it will be. Dusky xxx.
...............................
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (20 March 2008):
 Honey thats not always true! But you have to face facts, and that is, he still says he loves his wife. On that alone I would say its not likely he will choose you. Dont waste your precious life on this man. The only winner in all this will be him, because he has you both to choose from. Tell him you want nothing more to do with him because he is still in a relationship. If he leaves her and comes running to you, then you will know for sure.
...............................
| 