A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok i leaving on sunday for good but im pregant the dad was with me for 6 years and when i told him he did a runner he is now with someone new and my baby due in march. he told me when i did get him he felt trapped and he wants not part of either of our lives hes been dating his new gf for four months pretty much i put it to him its his new gf or us and he has to decide. because once will leave we are gone for good and he won't hear from us again. i thought he would chose us but as it gets more and more closer to the date i feel he won't. to prove im not just giving idol threats i even have it all over my facebook wall where he can see it... what do i do hang in there or what....
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female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (12 December 2010):
 I agree with Cerebrus and Natasia.
He's made it clear he doesnt want to be with you and sadly doesnt want to know his child.
Leave and move on. Take that stuff off facebook, its portraying you as a crazy woman.
It is incredibly unfair and sick to use your child as a pawn. You are trying to emotionally blackmail someone..blackmail is illegal is wrong.
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (12 December 2010):
 Well, I agree with Cerberus.
You say that moving away is what you will do if he doesn't choose you, and you will stay if he does choose you. That means that you are using the moving away as a threat, to make him choose. That isn't a good reason to be moving away, because he isn't going to choose you, so you will end up moving away, but what for? As Cerberus says, it isn't easy bringing up a child on your own, and this guy should indeed be contributing to your child's life, at least financially, if no other way.
Second thing is, if you actually do want this guy back (which isn't good in relationships terms, but I do understand if you want the father of your child to be with you - a natural female reaction) - if you want him, you SURE AS HELL aren't going to get him back this way, because at the moment you are forcing him into a corner, and trying to control him. And doing it publicly, as well. You will seem, to him, like a mad woman. And why should he want to be with a mad woman? Sorry to say this, but he is probably glad you are saying you will move away - that way he will be free.
Now, if you want my serious advice, it is this:
- Calm down. Take all that stuff off Facebook.
- OK. He is a bad person. He left you when he found out you were pregnant. That is a shitty thing to do, and I can understand why you are so angry and hurt. You are also pregnant, which affects how you see things. All understandable. So, you need to remind yourself that actually you are probably better off without him. However, if you do want him still, then you are going to have to back off and just deal with those feelings yourself. Personally I think you need to work through your anger and focus then on your baby, and try to block him and what he has done out and just get on with your life. But whatever you do, you are going to have to calm down. You also have a child who needs you to be calm and reasonable.
- Stop talking about moving away. Go quiet. Don't contact him for the moment, apart from to send him a short text saying that you're sorry you gave him an ultimatum - you were just feeling really upset. Say you aren't going to do anything crazy like move away. Say you will be staying put and having the baby, and that if and when he would like to see his child, he can contact you.
- Don't have anything to do with him until the baby is due. In the last week before it is due, text him and say you are thinking of him and will let him know about the baby. Tell him that of course you'd love him to see the baby, but you will wait to see how he feels. Tell him that whatever happens, you will need to contact him about child support, etc. (this will spook him, but so it should, the bugger)
- Give birth to the baby. Have someone close with you as your birthing partner. After the baby is born, text him about it.
Now, this is important:
- If he comes to see the baby, let him feel the joy of being a father, but also make him feel as if you have allowed him to see the baby. He needs to start feeling some ownership of the baby. He needs stirring up a bit.
Then just be at home, be nice, don't shout, don't contact him much - and see if he starts coming to see the baby more. And take it from there.
However, if he doesn't come to see the baby, just see a lawyer and apply for child support. Text him and say you are doing this for the baby, but also tell him the door is open for him to be a part of his child's life.
Actually, there is so much to tell you, that I can't do it all here. You have a lot to learn, and you really need someone to advise and help you, as you will have huge responsibility as a sole parent. I think you should ask a family member or even your doctor, and see if someone can help you. A child isn't a toy - he or she will need a stable home, love, and no fighting.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): Unfortunately I think he has already made his choice. And I wonder why would you want someone back after he left you when HE got YOU pregnant? Didn't he love you at all? He was with you for 6 years and then left you for another woman when you were pregnant! He doesn't sound like he's that much of a stand up guy anyways.
I would make him pay child support. But don't be bitter towards him. That's only going to make you feel worse.
I don't know what else to say. Sorry
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): He made his choice ages ago and abandoned you, to be honest with you, using your future child as some kind of pawn to win back a guy who abandoned you is rather sick and twisted.
Not that you are sick and twisted but the very concept of you wanting this douchebag back is. The very thought that you've now given this guy a public ultimatum makes you look even more desperate after the way he's treated you. He left you for another woman and you still want him back? Like this was some kind of mistake on his part?
Why are you leaving sunday for good if you don't mind me asking? Because if it's part of the ultimatum and this is the only reason you're doing it then that's kinda messed up don't you think?
I think you're making a big mistake, raising a child is a lot of work and he has take financial responsibility for that child and pay maintenance. So if you're wise then you'll make him pay that.
You need to sit back and rethink this whole thing though, it smells rotten to me, you don't seem to thinking of your child at all and you don't even see this situation for what it is at all. You're living in some fantasy that he will come back and you can live happily ever after somehow, with a guy who dumped you because you're pregnant with his child and wants nothing to do with either of you.
Threats, ultimatums, moving away for good, not making him pay for his own child, wishing a an asshole would come back to you when he's shown you he can't be trusted, what part of this makes any sense to you?
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A
female
reader, JacksMama  +, writes (12 December 2010):
I would say let him go. He doesn't seem to be concerned about you or your unborn child. Cut your loose ends an make a new start with you an your baby. If he shows interest in being in the babies life then let him if not its his loss.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (12 December 2010):
 Its clear that he doesnt want to be with you therefore let him go, if he doesnt want you there is nothing you can do. He has a girlfriend now and no matter how much it hurts you have to let him live his life.
Now as for his child that you are carrying you cant decide if he gets contact with the baby or not, its not your right, he has a right to be part of that childs life, just like you have the right to get maintenance of him to help support the child. But dont use your child as a weapon against him as this is unfair on your un born child, he or she deserves to have there dad in there life even if he is not with you.
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